My Father's Day Talk- "But If Not"

Not the talk that I thought I would give as I prepared it in my head while driving around the countryside, but it is what it ended up to be---

BUT IF NOT

Elder Hall laughed when I showed him the text from Kevin asking me to speak today on Father’s Day.  He felt it was totally justified after having a similar assignment on Mother’s Day. If you remember, he shared that Mother’s Day and by extension Father’s Days were not the easiest for us when we were first married and struggling having children.  And even when we had children, we still were very aware of those around us who were yearning for this same blessing in their lives.

That trial in our lives changed us and made us more aware of the heart aches that many feel surrounding these specific holidays.  Really all holidays can be problematic if your childhood home and family situation was difficult and if your current situation isn’t the way you would like it to be.  Mortal life is filled with heartaches and afflictions.

But we have been told that we are to have joy…how does that fit together?

In Moses 5: 10 and 11, it reads:

 

10 And in that day Adam blessed God and was filled, and began to prophesy concerning all the families of the earth, saying: Blessed be the name of God, for because of my transgression my eyes are opened, and in this life I shall have joy, and again in the flesh I shall see God.

11 And Eve, his wife, heard all these things and was glad, saying: Were it not for our transgression we never should have had seed, and never should have known good and evil, and the joy of our redemption, and the eternal life which God giveth unto all the obedient.

These words were recorded after Adam and Eve were removed from the garden and they were taught about the coming Savior. 

It seems if you are going to give a talk on Father’s Day, Adam seems like a good place to start.

Elder Hall and I with Jena had a conversation with President and Sister Anderton and Christian about what she and I should talk about on Father’s Day at our branch…They weren’t very helpful but one goal was to remind you that today IS Father’s Day and if it is appropriate and possible, you should reach out to your dad and wish him Happy Father’s day. So first objective accomplished—Now you know that it is Father’s Day!

Another concept was the reality that we all have a perfect Father in Heaven who loves us and know us by name.  Today it would be appropriate to reflect on your Heavenly Father, your relationship with Him, and the blessings that He has given you. Perhaps it is a topic that you could share in prayer with Him tonight.  We truly have a Heavenly Father who loves us and we should know and love Him.

But now back to Adam..and also to Eve---

Adam and Eve, having partaking of the forbidden fruit, opened the doorway for all of us to come to earth, receive a mortal body, learn to choose good or evil, to choose to follow the Savior, and to have joy.

 

Lehi in his counsel to his son, Jacob said in 2 Nephi 2:25-26--

 

25 Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy.

26 And the Messiah cometh in the fulness of time, that he may redeem the children of men from the fall. And because that they are redeemed from the fall they have become free forever, knowing good from evil; to act for themselves and not to be acted upon, save it be by the punishment of the law at the great and last day, according to the commandments which God hath given…

 

Some significant, perhaps even ‘heavy’ doctrine for a Father’ Day talk--the fall of Adam, the redemption of mankind, the gift of agency to choose…how does it relate to Father’s Day? How does it relate to young adults living in the Ft. Smith stake right now?

 

We are here—each of us—because of this great plan that our Father in Heaven put in place for us, His children!  Because of this plan, Adam and Eve were placed on this earth and mortal families began—generation after generation—the good, the bad, and the ugly over the eons of time.  Each set of parents producing children who produce children and so on and so on…

 

And so you are here---a product of those mortal generations before you, even if you know nothing about them.  More importantly, you are a spirit son or daughter of Heavenly Parents, well-known and well-beloved by Them.  You are on the threshold of mortal life.  Young adult years are filled with choices, experiences, preparation for future roles in life, in the Church and also as future husbands and wives—fathers and mothers.

 

There is somewhat a life pattern that we often expect.  There is a nursery rhyme you might remember-

“So and So” and “So and So” (kids fill in the names of the children they are trying to tease)
Sitting in a tree
K-I-S-S-I-N-G!
First comes love
Then comes marriage
Then comes baby
In a baby carriage!

I guess our version of that rhyme would include missions and maybe some schooling somewhere in that list, but you get the idea—we often expect life to proceed in an orderly fashion, especially when our goals are “righteous” and “worthy”.

 

But if not---what if things don’t come in the way we “always thought they would happen””—earlier or later---too slow—too fast. Maybe we are assuming if we did “this thing” the result would be “that desire of your heart”.

 

Let me teach one of my most important life scriptures—the “But If Not” principle.  It comes from the story of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego in the book of Daniel 3.  Commanded by King Nebuchadnezzar to bow down to his idol, they refused saying;

17 If it be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of thine hand, O king.

18 But if not, be it known unto thee, O king, that we will not serve thy gods, nor worship the golden image which thou hast set up.

In the case of these three believers, their lives were spared, and King Nebuchadnezzar honored the power of their God.  However, that is not always so.  Abinadi, Mormon, early pioneers including our prophet, Joseph Smith and his brother Hyrum all lost their lives.  They had a God who could give them an miracle, But did not for His own purposes.  But if not……they were still faithful to the end.

And it may be in your life---life might not follow the pattern you hoped for.  So, what is your response—do you sit tight on the bench of life waiting for someone to do something for you? Or are you going to choose to act in ways that move you forward in faith—one small decision at a time?

 

So, let’s talk specifically about your desires to have your own future spouse and children.  This is a righteous and worthy goal. It is a goal you should have for yourself.  It is literally one of the only things we create on earth that will continue for eternities. It is appropriate to pray about it—decide what steps might be appropriate for you to take; and to do them. BUT—and this is a BIG BUT—you can’t control all of the variables and you certainly don’t want to be so focused on the end goal of marriage that you don’t develop the loving relationship and friendship which will make that goal obtainable. And you can’t sit and wait for marriage before taking other steps that God needs and wants you to do.  Like I have shared before—desiring children was not a bad desire for Gary and I; but when I asked what the Lord’s will for me at that moment in time, my answer was to go to graduate school—a surprise, but the right thing. Don’t be so focused on the “First come love” pattern that you don’t move forward in your life.

 

I want to share three skills you could and should be working on so that you can be active in your preparation for your future marriage and for children.

 

1.     Get on and stay on the covenant path.  I am sure that is not a surprise one for you. To prepare for an eternal marriage you need to be focused on the covenants connected with those ordinances.  Come to Church, Serve in your callings, Practice daily practices of prayer and scripture reading, Attend the temple frequently. Be active in attending social activities. Find the joy of living the gospel.

 

My dad was a convert to the Church, joining the Church as a sophomore at BYU. He knew his next step was to become an elder and prepare to take out his endowment and he was actively working to that goal when he met my mom and began falling in love with her.  He specifically waited to ask her to marry him until he received the Melchizedek priesthood and was able to take out his own endowment. Their decision to be married in the Salt Lake Temple was heartbreaking to his single mother as he was her only son (and she would be unable to attend the temple ceremony.) She disowned him for a time. But he was firmly on the covenant path and did not alter from that his entire life on earth.

 

The Lord can help guide you to a companion who you can be married in the temple for time and all eternity.

 

But if not faithful living of the gospel will bring you peace and joy in this life despite your circumstances and eternal joy in the Celestial Kingdom of God where all blessings will be given those who are faithful.

 

2.     Strive to build a personal life of virtue and self-discipline.  In the 13^th Article of Faith we read in part. :

 

“We believe in being honest, true, chaste, benevolent, virtuous, and in doing good to all men; ….skiping down--If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after these things.”

 

As a spouse, these attributes are priceless. We need to be honest and chaste in our marriages, we need to serve one another.  Young adult lives are often busy with training or schooling and jobs….downtime with computers, cell phones, and gaming systems can be a great way to unwind, but it is critical to make wise choices of these things.  Some can be addicting and consume time that will be needed for marriages to grow and strengthen and families to function. Work now to eliminate addictive practices which will not meet the standards of the 13^th Article of Faith.

During the first 20+ years of our marriage, Gary traveled a great deal working on installations of new computer systems.  I don’t know how many times wives or other employees said to me that they liked it when their husbands or when they  traveled with Gary because they didn’t worry about them “getting into trouble”. A compliment to him for sure—his behavior was definitely of good report….but I  knew I could trust him, too, because he was honest and true.

But if not—yet finding and starting a family, virtuous living allows the spirit of the Holy Ghost to dwell with you freely. He can bring you peace and joy whatever the circumstance of your lives.

3.      Build a life built on charity and love.  These feeling words must be put into action. No matter if you are installing wire in a house or serving fast food at Chick Fi A, you can look with love at all of those you come into contact with.  You can speak kindly, avoid gossip, solve conflicts with judgement and skill, and you can render aid.  Serve in your immediate families and look for ways to help others. Family life is a masters class for mothers and fathers to love and serve each other and their children. Practice that skill now, so it isn’t as hard later.

I learned a valuable lesson about charity and serving others when I was a sophomore at BYU.  My roommate in her assignment in our ward had arranged for a service project at a local rest home.  Some sisters had baked bread and they were going to deliver the bread and sing Christmas carols.  I said “they” but my roommate really meant “we—the roommates” were all to join.  I pleaded not to go because of school work.  But she promised it would only be an hour and I gave in.  We went, divided into groups, sang Christmas carols and delivered bread.  My group was quick and returned to the reception desk to discover we had one loaf of bread left to be delivered.  Thinking I could be fast and get back before the other groups returned, I offered to take it.  I zipped into his room, wished him Merry Christmas and gave him the bread, and was heading out until he grabbed my hand and began talking to me—about the family photos of children and grandchildren, art work on the walls that he had painted, asked me questions about school—you know human conversation between people. Although uncomfortable at first and wanting to get home to study, I eventually turned my attentions to him and our conversation.  I ended up staying so long that others came to find me.  As I said my goodbyes one more time, he again reached out and grabbed my hands.  He said, “Thank you for sharing you with me this evening.  That is the best thing that you could have given me—yourself.”  This was a huge moment for me and really changed how I served and cared for others. I mean I still make cookies and take people dinners, but I try to remember that the best things I have to offer is me. 

But if not…..meaning the time of finding an eternal partner hasn’t arrived yet, your service will bless the lives of others in ways that you may never know and you will be changed in positive ways which will bless your eternal family forever..

I invite you to stay on the covenant path and make that a primary focus of your life.  Use the temple to keep you focused on a temple marriage with a faithful companion. Lead a virtuous life and develop hobbies and talents which will enhance your future marriages and families. Work to rid yourself of addictive habits which will be a determent.  Practice charity and make serving a daily part of your life. Seek joy in the journey.

I promise you that as you move forward as a young adults implementing these traits in your life—you will be prepared and able to marry in the temple and have a forever family.  But if not in this world, it will surely happen in the Celestial kingdom.

My grandfather wrote this poem for his son:  But I think our Heavenly Father would make the same comment to you---

There is a race to be won

Before the day is done.

And a place in the race

For you

I am wearing your colors

And hope to cheer

When I see them come through

At the end.

Our Heavenly Father knows and loves us.  He wants to bring us home and everything is in place for that to happen if we choose Jesus Christ as our Savior and follow Him.  He is our Redeemer and Advocate with the Father.  Through the whispers of the Spirit, we can be directed in the paths that we must take to fulfill Their earthly plans for us. The ordinances of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints are the ones necessary to return again to Their presence and live eternal life with Them as families.  And at that time, all will be given—and there will be no “But If Not…”