Another Good-bye

Also on the 22nd--Jessica called to say that Jasper was unable to walk normally and had been laying on the floor on the same spot for several hours.  She really didn't want to call us the day after my dad died, but we knew immediately that we needed to go see him.  So that afternoon, we headed up and made the decision to not have him suffer any longer.  He was getting old and had some benign tumors so we knew that it was just a matter of time.  Timing wasn't great but in some ways, it made the decision almost easier than it would have been in "normal times."  I was already sad--I couldn't really be "sadder" if that makes sense. Also, I could relief Jasper's suffering.  He was a good dog and we miss him. 

One thing that happened that night:  Jena brought in an old journal to show me something.  It was a journal that she used when she was working on her personal progress award during YWs.  She wrote or I wrote as she dictated items that required responses being put in a journal.  I don't even know why she brought that particular journal with her because she didn't use it for anything else.  Anyway, she had it opened to some entries where she wrote things she was grateful for each day in November of 2011.  One of those days she had written--I am grateful for Jasper and Mowgli.  She wanted me to see it and told me that Jasper was a good dog.  I was shocked that she would remember that she had written that and then find it in the journal to show it to me.  She is amazing.  However, it gave me a good opportunity to talk about how important it is to remember the good things when someone or some dog passes away.  Since then we have had sweet conversations about Grandpa Giberson, Grandma Hall (who died in 2020) and Jasper--because talking about good things is one way to grieve together.  I love that girl.  She can surprise me in so many moments!

Life Goes On

I don't know why that it always such a surprise, but after a major loss, I always seem a bit caught off guard that the world hasn't stopped for everyone like it has for me.  Of course, intellectually I get that, but the emotional side of me wants everything to stop just for a moment so I can grieve and adjust to this new change in life.  

With nothing else to do, we headed back on Thursday to mission life at the Church History Library.  We knew that we were going to miss several days for the funeral which was going to take place in Amarillo, Texas, so we needed to keep working and getting things ready to go.  Gary did cancel an oral history that was scheduled on the 22nd.  Although I thought I probably would be okay to do it, it just seemed better to postpone.  Of course, the couple was very supportive of the delay and we were able to complete that interview last week. 

It was weird to think that September 22 was to be the last day of our mission! I think we were directed to extend our mission for many reasons, but I think one of them was so that we would not have the stress of leaving the mission on top of losing my dad--even the weeks before his death would have been more stressful if packing and saying goodbye were being done.

As it was, we got an unexpected call to the mission office to meet with President Parker.  In that meeting with the other zone leaders in our part of the mission, he told us that he and Sister Parker were going to be released on October 7th.  We were shocked.  The original plan was for them to be released in December so we would only serve without them for a month or so.  Sister Parker had had knee surgery at the first of September and would have another surgery in the new year, so I am sure that was part of the reason.  They have served in our mission for about four years in a variety of assignments.  We love them and are so grateful to know them and to have been taught by them.  Another big goodbye in a short amount of time!!

This picture is from the devotional on October 3 in which President and Sister Parker spoke as they were being released.  These are the Church History Zone leaders--Hiltbrands, us, the Parkers, and the Burrows.

My Little Miracle

As you can imagine, September 21 was an emotional day when you have to control your emotions so that you can do the things that needed to be done and support those around you.  Gary was AMAZING!!! He knew when to step in and what to do for Karla and I and when to let us do it or figure it out on our own.  All day I would look at him and just be so grateful that he was sharing this with me.  That is what a partner does.  I hope that I did that for him in at least some small ways when his sweet parents passed away as well.

About 5:00 pm, I thought we should have some food and offered to make a run to Cafe Zupa for soup and salads.  I didn't have my purse so Gary gave me his credit card and off I went.  I had ordered the food on line so I just needed to go in, pay for it, and grab it and go!  I did all of that and headed home.  As I grabbed the food and my phone out of the car at the house, I realized that I didn't have the credit card.  I dropped the food off and headed back to the store about 10 minutes away in a panic.  We didn't need a missing credit card at a time like this...but this is the stuff that happens when grief arrives.

I headed into the store watching the ground as I walked but confident that I must have left it at the cash register.  No luck--they actually have two credit cards in their lost and found but neither were mine.  I walked slowly back in the rain to the car...and there it was...face down on the blacktop.

I had probably stepped on it in my rush to the store. It had a footprint on it. I couldn't believe that I had found it, but I knew that my prayer had been answered.  It was a simple thing.  We could have stopped payment, got a new card, the stuff you do when a card is lost.  But we didn't have to this time.  I admitted--I cried in gratitude for this little miracle.

Picture is a "re-enactment" of finding of the card.  I picked it up first to confirm it was our card but then put it back so I could take a picture--that is what happens when you do a blog!

Even during hard times, life is a bit better if you can see the little miracles around us.

My Dad's Passing

Fun how days become significant and you know that they will always be that way from now on--at least while we are on this earth with our current calendars-- September 21 became one of those days as my dad passed away in the morning while sleeping with his wife Karla sleeping in the chair beside him.

I received a text from Karla around 10 am and Gary and I headed down to spend the day with Karla and begin doing the things that needed to be done.  One by one I called each of my siblings--in age order from the oldest to the youngest--because I couldn't think of any other way to do it.  Some didn't not answer, so people heard at different times but it was a privilege to make those phone calls to my siblings.  Oh, how I love them and I was so grateful for those conversations as we shared our sadness but also our joy for our dad to be reunited with our mom and all of those who had gone before him.

Our sadness was tampered or almost overshadowed by our happiness for him--that he did not have to suffer any longer than he did.  It was really only in the last six or eight weeks of his life that he experienced more slowing and less enjoyment in living and only in the last couple of weeks that moving and talking and eating became more difficult.  He told me a few years ago that he was not afraid of death, but he was nervous about the process of dying--he didn't want to be a burden on Karla and he didn't want to be in pain.  He hoped that he could simply fall asleep one night and not wake up.  It wasn't quite that simple but close and he didn't experience much pain in that process.  For all of these things, we are so grateful.

My post on Facebook a day after his passing:

Yesterday morning at 89 years and a few months, my father passed away in his sleep. Although he has been declining over the past few weeks and his passing was expected, it still feels unexpected. Even though we did not want him to suffer one more day, we still wish for one more day or week or year. While I want the perfect words to share about my dad, I am only left with the usual ones--he was a good and faithful person who worked hard, played hard, and loved much. He was a research chemist by profession and a game player/creator by passion. He taught us to love games, books, trains, the theatre, each other, friends, ping pong, and most of all, our Heavenly Father and His Son, Jesus Christ. He joined the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints as a young 20 year old and never "looked" back. His devotion was part of who he was.

One story: My dad was adopted as an infant after the death of his biological mother to scarlet fever. In 1986, we visited them in Amarillo at Christmas soon after Scott joined our family so that he could meet his grandparents and the family could meet him. Scott was about 2 1/2 years old at the time. I was walking into the living room when I noticed Scott sitting on my dad's lap having a conversation. I stopped to listen in in time to hear my dad say, "Scott, you are going to be adopted. You don't know what that means now, but I do because I was adopted. Anytime you have any questions the rest of your life, you can always talk to me about it. No matter where you live or how old you are." It brought tears to my eyes (and if we had had cell phones with cameras, I probably would have taken a picture.) I don't know if Scott ever took my dad up on that offer, but nothing is better than seeing your parents love your children.

He loved his grandchildren and his great grandchildren more than they know!

My dad was very blessed to be loved by two special women--my mom, Eileen who died in 1995 and then by Karla. Thank you, Karla for loving and sharing your life with my dad and our family! Our thoughts and prayers are with you."

I posted a number of pictures but here are a couple of them:

Bittersweet--sadness and joy wrapped up in a tight package. That is what it is like to lose your dad--your last parent--when you are 67 and he was 89! Til we meet again, sweet dad!

That evening, my niece shared that she and her parents (my brother Rick and his wife Linda) played a game in my dad's honor. Gary, Jena and I went to "The Unsinkable Molly Brown" at the Hale Theatre. Games and the theatre--two of my dad's favorite free time activities--I think he was happy with both!

A side note: I started this blog as a way to communicate to my family at one time about a surgery that Jena was having in 2009. My dad loved it so much that I replaced my weekly (almost) emails to him with blog posts including pictures and have continued that since then. Although I share the blog with family and friends AND I have grown to appreciate the historical record it has become, I still primarily thought about my dad and things I wanted to share with him. That is not the reason that I haven't written the blog for the past 8 weeks--my Sundays have been packed with other things, but I miss him today as I pick and chose photos to share and things to talk about today. I won't be getting his short email responses about something he read or saw any more--I will miss that!

Ben's Birthday and An Update

September 17th was also Ben's birthday and we were hoping to take him out for Chinese food with Uncle Scott and maybe Jessica's family.  However, the day before Ben called to say that they were on Covid quarantine again due to two cases on their unit so all outside visits were cancelled.  That is not a fun thing to have happen on your birthday.  Ben was a good sport about it all.  I was able to see him a few days after his birthday as he had a fibroscan of his liver scheduled.  That allowed us to do some birthday shopping and pick up donuts for the whole unit to celebrate Ben's birthday a few days late. We didn't take him for Chinese food until last Tuesday (October 25) because life has been a bit crazy.  It still tasted good over a month past his birthday, but not as good as the Chinese restaurants in Davis County.

In fact, Ben had two different outside appointments during their Covid quarantine so I got to see him a couple of times plus we did a google meet as well.  Fortunately, Covid was quickly controlled and no one else got it this time.

The results of his fibroscan only showed some minimal scarring of his liver--not enough to cause the problems in his liver blood tests including his high ammonia levels.  They continue to try to balance his bowels to walk the balance between diarrhea and constipation.  It appears that the problems are being caused by medications but those medications are needed to manage his mental health so they need to try to treat the liver issues in other ways.  He had two amazing weeks at the beginning of October when his ammonia levels dropped to almost within normal limits and his overall mood and energy levels popped right up to more normal.  For the first time in a few years, he was laughing and smiling and making funny comments.  To see his natural smile return was such a blessing to me.  However, the ammonia levels went back up again and he lost those improvements.  It proved the impact of the ammonia but it also means that the things they were trying weren't enough to stabilize the problems in the liver.  They continue to tweak the medication, but they are also sending him to a liver specialist (who we hope to see tomorrow afternoon if the state hospital medical team approves it.  We got a cancellation appointment instead of having to wait 2 or more months to get in, but it puts USH in a bind getting the paperwork approved.  Hopefully, it works out tomorrow morning -October 31- so we can make that appointment.)

Ben feels very discouraged because he can't do anything about the medical issues surrounding the liver but he would like to be discharged.  However, they can't discharge him until they know that they have the liver stuff under control, because if they can't stabilize him--then they will have to consider making major medication changes which can only be done for him at the state hospital.  He is between "a rock and a hard spot" and he can't do anything about it!  Poor guy!

Brothers' Weekend

As it became apparent that my dad's health was declining, my siblings began looking at their schedules and figuring out when they could make a visit to see Dad for maybe the last time.  This was a difficult time for me because I didn't want everyone to come the same weekend, but on the other hand, I didn't want to decide who came when because it was so uncertain how long my dad might live.  I wanted them each to decide for themselves and come at the time that make sense for them.

As a result, Scott (my youngest brother) and Todd (the brother just younger than me) both came the weekend of September 17-20.  Scott arrived the morning of the 17th and stayed until Monday afternoon and Todd arrived late on the 17th and stayed until Tuesday afternoon.  Karla told me later that the day before they arrived, Dad told her that he was dying.  She said that she told him he couldn't die that weekend because his sons were coming to visit and he agreed.

Scott stayed at the house with Dad and Karla and Todd stayed with us until Scott left and then spent Monday night with Dad.  I had the privilege of going back and forth and spending time with them and with Dad.  It was great.

Scott spent the night in dad's room and was able to have some brief conversations with him and to also help him get to the bathroom and back which allowed Karla to have a good night's  sleep.

Sunday morning, we went to Music and the Spoken Word together.  It turned out that Todd knew one of the members of the orchestra.  She had lived in Buda many years ago.

Scott and Todd in the Tabernacle....Jena doesn't like the balcony so she and Gary sat down below.  I love being with my siblings.

Todd and Scott spent the afternoon with dad.  They told me that Dad rather talked but seemed to enjoy them being there.  They played chess and other games next to Dad's bed.  If you know my dad, he loves games and probably loved watching them enjoying games together.

That afternoon, Jena and I came and got Todd and Scott and met up with Jessica and Elessia and family at Wheeler Farm.  I appreciated Jessica and Elessia making the trip down to spend time with their uncles while they were in town.  It was a beautiful day at the Farm.

Alex

Ezri

Family photo at the Farm

Old Tractor Fun

Goats are a favorite.

We then headed back to spend some time together with dad and Karla.  Monday, we dropped Todd off at Dad's and said goodbye to Scott.

Some pictures are poor representatives of holy moments--that is what these pictures are to me as I saw Scott and Todd serve our dad in the kindest and sweetest ways.

Scott with Dad---

Todd with Dad on Tuesday, September 20th as he was getting ready to return to Texas.

I love my brothers and I loved the sweet conversations we had as we sat in our dad's room.  Unable to climb stairs for the past few months, Karla and Dad had made a bedroom and sitting room out of his office on the ground level.  This was a holy place as we share time together. It was made holy by the sweet caring that Todd and Scott along with Karla gave to my dad during this time.

Rick and Valerie had visited at the end of August. Mike, Lynette, and Robin were scheduled for the following weeks along with another trip from Valerie with Austin Willcox--a new person in Valerie's life.  Every night as I said my prayers, I thanked Heavenly Father that we were serving in the Utah Salt Lake City Headquarters Mission--where I was close to my dad and Karla and could see my siblings as well.  How great is our Heavenly Father!

Mission Tour September 14-16

I have no pictures, but don't want to forget the sweet experience of being part of an "in-person" mission tour. (Due to Covid, our other mission tours have been done remotely.) Elder Evan Schmutz and his wife, Cindy, came and visited our mission and we had the chance to spend some time with them in meetings and as they walked around our zone

Wednesday, we met with our mission presidency and the other zone leaders in a special Mission Zone Leader Council with Elder and Sister Schmutz.  They took time to meet each one of us and shake hands with everyone.  Then they led a discussion about leading and having joy and so many other topics.  Then we gathered for dinner together in one of the event rooms in the Joseph Smith Memorial Building which was great as well (Jena got to join us for that meal which was great.)

Thursday they spent the day visiting the zones in the Family Search Library area.  Friday they spent the day visiting in the Church History Library and the three other zones in our part of the mission.  Our time was from 1-2:30.  They wanted to meet with us and learn about our zone, then meet with the assistant zone leaders as well.  Then they wanted to meet as many missionaries as were in the building on that Friday afternoon.  What a sweet thing it was to walk with them and our mission presidency and introduce them to our amazing missionaries.  At each person, they stopped to make a connection and to learn a bit about the missionary.  I loved watching it.  Not surprising, my job became "the train conductor"--I wanted to make sure they met everyone in our zone that was there that afternoon AND be done on time for their next visits.  President Holmes likes to visit as well so it was a bit tricky to keep things moving.

We were at the end of our time and I was trying to move people to the last few missionaries we had but it wasn't working.  Sister Schmutz came over to me and whispered, "I have learned that sometimes you can't worry about the schedule.  Sometimes Elder Schmutz needs to take time to do what is needed. I have learned to just wait."  I know that lesson---I have learned it myself over and over again.  But I was able to take a breath and just watch as Elder Schmutz ministered to one of our sweet missionaries in his unique way and in his responsibility as a GA Seventy on a mission tour.  It was a treasured moment and experience.  I wish that you could have all been there!

Then Friday evening, we all  gathered at the JSMB for a devotional.  Friday nights are not common nights for a devotional, but we were happy to be there to hear President and Sister Holmes and Elder and Sister Schmutz speak.  Seriously, I can't imagine being anywhere else doing anything else at this point in our lives.  What great blessings and what great people we are blessed to be around and to learn from!

Sister Holmes reminded us to not be weary in well doing.  The Lord is grateful for your actions.

Sister Schmutz talked about the story of the fishes and the loaves and compared it to our service as missionaries.  We are enough.  The Lord accepts our offerings as we serve.

President Holmes talked about how we are "Called To Serve Our King." He shared testimonies from the prophets about the reality of Jesus Christ. (I don't know if I have mentioned this or not, but President Holmes is a very knowledgeable about the gospel and the modern day prophets.  His breath of knowledge is amazing and he can use it easily in gospel conversations and can reference so many talks and presentations.)

Elder Schmutz shared the story of the Coleville branch who was together in Kirtland and then moved to MO and then to Nauvoo before ending up in Utah.  He talked about the importance of diligence and obedience as we strive to gain knowledge and to serve.  He closed with sharing verses from Section 76 including :50-62.  He assured us that we are on the path and the end result is sure!  Be faithful to His name until the end.

It was a wonderful few days.  Don't you want to be a missionary when you are old!!!

McCune Mansion

Back when our expected release date was on September 22, one of our missionaries bought us tickets to go up the hill to the McCune Mansion on September 14th.  With the birthday party for Sister Forman and everything else going on, I wasn't sure how we were going to fit it in, but we were touched by the sweet gift and wanted to try to make it work.  With the help of some missionaries, we got things all set up for the gathering and then headed up the hill for our tour.  I was so distracted that I was sure that I wouldn't "get in the mood" for a heritage tour of an old Victorian House.  I had never even heard of it before.  How wrong I was---the minute we stepped on to the stairway up to this house--I felt like I was in vacation mode and loved getting to know the history of the house and the family who built it and lived there for many years.

The house is located on Main Street a block north of the Church History Library.

The house costed over a million dollars to build in the early 1900s--worth over $7,000,000 now.

They trimmed the trees in a specific way around the rounded plaza in front of the house to keep the limbs from going over the plaza.  It makes it look like the trees are locking limbs and protecting the area.  (It has a special name but I can't remember what it is.)

Victorian Style through out with the "favorite things" for the McCune family who built it.  They sent a designer all over Europe to collect things for the house.

There is lots of ornate wall paper that is still on the walls in the some of the rooms.

Sister McCune and I have similar taste in impressionists art work.  I loved many of the paintings hanging on the wall---although many of them are not original to the house but chosen to match or be similar to what was there originally.

Stained glass windows are in many rooms of the home

The master bathroom was amazing---very progressive for that time!

Sister McCune was a faithful member of the Church and she wanted her bedroom to face the temple.  (I guess that Brother McCune was not quite as faithful as she was, according to the information shared during the tour.)

The Halls in the Hall at the McCune mansion---

When the McCunes moved to California in the 1920s, the Mansion was given to the Church for the purpose of being the home of the prophet.  However, no prophet ever lived there because it was thought that it was too glamorous of a home for the prophet to live in.  It was later sold several times and then fell into disrepair until about 23 years ago when a family bought it to restore and make a historical place.  It can be rented for events as well.

It was a fun break--a tiny little vacation in the middle of a busy week and month.  Thanks, Elder Creswell, we needed that!

Then back down the hill to join the birthday party just as it was getting started!