Not the talk that I thought I would give as I prepared it in my head while driving around the countryside, but it is what it ended up to be---
BUT IF NOT
Elder Hall laughed when I showed him the text from
Kevin asking me to speak today on Father’s Day.
He felt it was totally justified after having a similar assignment on
Mother’s Day. If you remember, he shared that Mother’s Day and by extension Father’s
Days were not the easiest for us when we were first married and struggling having
children. And even when we had children,
we still were very aware of those around us who were yearning for this same
blessing in their lives.
That trial in our
lives changed us and made us more aware of the heart aches that many feel
surrounding these specific holidays.
Really all holidays can be problematic if your childhood home and family
situation was difficult and if your current situation isn’t the way you would
like it to be. Mortal life is filled
with heartaches and afflictions.
But we have been
told that we are to have joy…how does that fit together?
In Moses 5: 10 and 11, it
reads:
10 And in that day Adam blessed
God and was filled,
and began to prophesy concerning
all the families of the earth, saying: Blessed be the name of God, for because
of my transgression my eyes are
opened, and in this life I shall have joy,
and again in the flesh I
shall see God.
11 And Eve, his wife, heard all
these things and was glad, saying: Were it not for our transgression we never
should have had seed,
and never should have known good and evil, and the joy of our redemption, and the
eternal life which God giveth unto all the obedient.
These words were recorded after Adam and Eve were
removed from the garden and they were taught about the coming Savior.
It seems if you are going to give a talk on Father’s
Day, Adam seems like a good place to start.
Elder Hall and I with Jena had a conversation with
President and Sister Anderton and Christian about what she and I should talk about
on Father’s Day at our branch…They weren’t very helpful but one goal was to
remind you that today IS Father’s Day and if it is appropriate and possible,
you should reach out to your dad and wish him Happy Father’s day. So first
objective accomplished—Now you know that it is Father’s Day!
Another concept was the reality that we all have a
perfect Father in Heaven who loves us and know us by name. Today it would be appropriate to reflect on
your Heavenly Father, your relationship with Him, and the blessings that He has
given you. Perhaps it is a topic that you could share in prayer with Him
tonight. We truly have a Heavenly Father
who loves us and we should know and love Him.
But now back to Adam..and also to Eve---
Adam and Eve, having partaking of the
forbidden fruit, opened the doorway for all of us to come to earth, receive a
mortal body, learn to choose good or evil, to choose to follow the Savior, and
to have joy.
Lehi in his counsel to his son, Jacob said
in 2 Nephi 2:25-26--
25 Adam fell that
men might be; and men are,
that they might have joy.
26 And the Messiah cometh
in the fulness of time, that he may redeem the
children of men from the fall. And because that they are redeemed from
the fall they have become free forever,
knowing good from evil; to act for themselves and not to be acted upon, save it
be by the punishment of the law at
the great and last day, according to the commandments which God hath given…
Some significant, perhaps even ‘heavy’
doctrine for a Father’ Day talk--the
fall of Adam, the redemption of mankind, the gift of agency to choose…how does it relate to Father’s Day? How
does it relate to young adults living in the Ft. Smith stake right now?
We are here—each of us—because of this
great plan that our Father in Heaven put in place for us, His children! Because of this plan, Adam and Eve were
placed on this earth and mortal families began—generation after generation—the
good, the bad, and the ugly over the eons of time. Each set of parents producing children who
produce children and so on and so on…
And so you are here---a product of those
mortal generations before you, even if you know nothing about them. More importantly, you are a spirit son or
daughter of Heavenly Parents, well-known and well-beloved by Them. You are on the threshold of mortal life. Young adult years are filled with choices,
experiences, preparation for future roles in life, in the Church and also as
future husbands and wives—fathers and mothers.
There is somewhat a life pattern that we
often expect. There is a nursery rhyme
you might remember-
“So and So” and “So and So” (kids fill in the
names of the children they are trying to tease)
Sitting in a tree
K-I-S-S-I-N-G!
First comes love
Then comes marriage
Then comes baby
In a baby carriage!
I guess our version of that rhyme would
include missions and maybe some schooling somewhere in that list, but you get
the idea—we often expect life to proceed in an orderly fashion, especially when
our goals are “righteous” and “worthy”.
But if not---what if things don’t come in
the way we “always thought they would happen””—earlier or later---too slow—too
fast. Maybe we are assuming if we did “this thing” the result would be “that
desire of your heart”.
Let me teach one of my most important life
scriptures—the “But If Not” principle. It
comes from the story of Shadrach, Meshach, and
Abed-nego in the book of Daniel 3.
Commanded by King Nebuchadnezzar to bow down to his idol, they refused
saying;
17 If it be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us
from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of thine hand, O king.
18 But if not, be it known unto thee, O king, that we will not serve thy
gods, nor worship the golden image which thou hast set up.
In the case of these three believers, their lives were spared,
and King Nebuchadnezzar honored the power of their God. However, that is not always so. Abinadi, Mormon, early pioneers including our
prophet, Joseph Smith and his brother Hyrum all lost their lives. They had a God who could give them an
miracle, But did not for His own purposes.
But if not……they were still faithful to the end.
And it may be in your life---life might not follow the pattern
you hoped for. So, what is your response—do
you sit tight on the bench of life waiting for someone to do something for you?
Or are you going to choose to act in ways that move you forward in faith—one
small decision at a time?
So, let’s talk specifically about your
desires to have your own future spouse and children. This is a righteous and worthy goal. It is a
goal you should have for yourself. It is
literally one of the only things we create on earth that will continue for
eternities. It is appropriate to pray about it—decide what steps might be
appropriate for you to take; and to do them. BUT—and this is a BIG BUT—you
can’t control all of the variables and you certainly don’t want to be so
focused on the end goal of marriage that you don’t develop the loving
relationship and friendship which will make that goal obtainable. And you can’t
sit and wait for marriage before taking other steps that God needs and wants
you to do. Like I have shared
before—desiring children was not a bad desire for Gary and I; but when I asked
what the Lord’s will for me at that moment in time, my answer was to go to
graduate school—a surprise, but the right thing. Don’t be so focused on the
“First come love” pattern that you don’t move forward in your life.
I want to share three skills you could and
should be working on so that you can be active in your preparation for your
future marriage and for children.
1.
Get
on and stay on the covenant path. I am
sure that is not a surprise one for you. To prepare for an eternal marriage you
need to be focused on the covenants connected with those ordinances. Come to Church, Serve in your callings, Practice
daily practices of prayer and scripture reading, Attend the temple frequently.
Be active in attending social activities. Find the joy of living the gospel.
My dad was a convert to the Church,
joining the Church as a sophomore at BYU. He knew his next step was to become
an elder and prepare to take out his endowment and he was actively working to
that goal when he met my mom and began falling in love with her. He specifically waited to ask her to marry
him until he received the Melchizedek priesthood and was able to take out his
own endowment. Their decision to be married in the Salt Lake Temple was
heartbreaking to his single mother as he was her only son (and she would be
unable to attend the temple ceremony.) She disowned him for a time. But he was
firmly on the covenant path and did not alter from that his entire life on
earth.
The Lord can help guide you to a companion
who you can be married in the temple for time and all eternity.
But if not faithful living of the gospel will bring
you peace and joy in this life despite your circumstances and eternal joy in
the Celestial Kingdom of God where all blessings will be given those who are
faithful.
2.
Strive
to build a personal life of virtue and self-discipline. In the 13th Article of Faith we
read in part. :
“We believe in being honest, true, chaste, benevolent,
virtuous, and in doing good to all men; ….skiping down--If there is anything
virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after these
things.”
As a spouse, these
attributes are priceless. We need to be honest and chaste in our marriages, we
need to serve one another. Young adult
lives are often busy with training or schooling and jobs….downtime with
computers, cell phones, and gaming systems can be a great way to unwind, but it
is critical to make wise choices of these things. Some can be addicting and consume time that will
be needed for marriages to grow and strengthen and families to function. Work
now to eliminate addictive practices which will not meet the standards of the
13th Article of Faith.
During the first 20+
years of our marriage, Gary traveled a great deal working on installations of new
computer systems. I don’t know how many
times wives or other employees said to me that they liked it when their
husbands or when they traveled with Gary
because they didn’t worry about them “getting into trouble”. A compliment to
him for sure—his behavior was definitely of good report….but I knew I could trust him, too, because he was
honest and true.
But if not—yet
finding and starting a family, virtuous living allows the spirit of the Holy
Ghost to dwell with you freely. He can bring you peace and joy whatever the circumstance
of your lives.
3. Build a life built on charity and love. These feeling words must be put into action.
No matter if you are installing wire in a house or serving fast food at Chick
Fi A, you can look with love at all of those you come into contact with. You can speak kindly, avoid gossip, solve
conflicts with judgement and skill, and you can render aid. Serve in your immediate families and look for
ways to help others. Family life is a masters class for mothers and fathers to
love and serve each other and their children. Practice that skill now, so it
isn’t as hard later.
I learned a valuable lesson about
charity and serving others when I was a sophomore at BYU. My roommate in her assignment in our ward had
arranged for a service project at a local rest home. Some sisters had baked bread and they were
going to deliver the bread and sing Christmas carols. I said “they” but my roommate really meant
“we—the roommates” were all to join. I
pleaded not to go because of school work.
But she promised it would only be an hour and I gave in. We went, divided into groups, sang Christmas
carols and delivered bread. My group was
quick and returned to the reception desk to discover we had one loaf of bread
left to be delivered. Thinking I could
be fast and get back before the other groups returned, I offered to take it. I zipped into his room, wished him Merry
Christmas and gave him the bread, and was heading out until he grabbed my hand
and began talking to me—about the family photos of children and grandchildren,
art work on the walls that he had painted, asked me questions about school—you
know human conversation between people. Although uncomfortable at first and
wanting to get home to study, I eventually turned my attentions to him and our
conversation. I ended up staying so long
that others came to find me. As I said
my goodbyes one more time, he again reached out and grabbed my hands. He said, “Thank you for sharing you with me
this evening. That is the best thing
that you could have given me—yourself.”
This was a huge moment for me and really changed how I served and cared
for others. I mean I still make cookies and take people dinners, but I try to
remember that the best things I have to offer is me.
But if not…..meaning
the time of finding an eternal partner hasn’t arrived yet, your service will
bless the lives of others in ways that you may never know and you will be
changed in positive ways which will bless your eternal family forever..
I invite you to stay on the covenant
path and make that a primary focus of your life. Use the temple to keep you focused on a
temple marriage with a faithful companion. Lead a virtuous life and develop
hobbies and talents which will enhance your future marriages and families. Work
to rid yourself of addictive habits which will be a determent. Practice charity and make serving a daily
part of your life. Seek joy in the journey.
I promise you that as you move
forward as a young adults implementing these traits in your life—you will be
prepared and able to marry in the temple and have a forever family. But if not in this world, it will
surely happen in the Celestial kingdom.
My grandfather wrote this poem for his
son: But I think our Heavenly Father
would make the same comment to you---
There is a race to be
won
Before the day is done.
And a place in the race
For you
I am wearing your
colors
And hope to cheer
When I see them come
through
At the end.
Our Heavenly Father knows and loves us. He wants to bring us home and everything is
in place for that to happen if we choose Jesus Christ as our Savior and follow
Him. He is our Redeemer and Advocate
with the Father. Through the whispers of
the Spirit, we can be directed in the paths that we must take to fulfill Their
earthly plans for us. The ordinances of The Church of Jesus Christ of
Latter-day Saints are the ones necessary to return again to Their presence and
live eternal life with Them as families.
And at that time, all will be given—and there will be no “But If
Not…”
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