A few weeks before Thanksgiving, I asked to speak on November 27th--I figured that was okay because it would be after our Family Reunion and I would have a few days to prepare. I was given a couple of conference talks to take some thoughts from which I reviewed and began thinking about...until about a week later when Elder Susong called back and asked if I minded being "bumped" until December. There was going to be a musical number and they decided to not have three speakers that day. No problem--I didn't give it any more thought as we were busy with serving and preparing for the reunion.
As we are driving down the mountain on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving, Elder Susong called and asked if I could speak on Sunday. One of the other speakers got Covid and they needed some one to speak in his place. So I was back on. Here is the talk:
REMEMBER
LESSONS LEARNED!
"About 20 years ago, I opened my front door to find
three women, missionaries for another denomination, on my front porch. We had a brief conversation in which they
shared some things of their beliefs. At
one point they commented something about --didn’t I wish that we all lived in
the Garden of Eden with Adam and Eve where everything was good. I commented that I thought there was a
purpose for the struggles and afflictions of this mortal life. One of the women said, “You and your
neighbors have a ‘kindly’ view of afflictions.” After they left, I thought
about that. I wasn’t sure that I had ever put “kindly” in the same sentence
with afflictions. But I realized that I and my mostly member neighbors on my
street in Syracuse Utah were lucky because we understood some important truths.
Because of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ and the scriptures, we—me, my
neighbors, and all of you- know where we came from, why we are here, and where
we are going. We understand the purposes
of this mortal life, the role of trials, afflictions, and hard times, and most
importantly, who we can turn to for help, direction, strength, and peace.
In her April 2022 Conference address, Sister Jean B. Bingham
stated:
“Life’s experiences can
range from humorous to heart-wrenching, from grim to glorious. Each experience
helps us understand more about our Father’s encompassing love and our capacity
to change through the Savior’s gift of grace.”
In an October 2018 Conference address, Elder Neil L.
Anderson said:
“Although the details
will differ, the tragedies, the unanticipated tests and trials, both physical
and spiritual, come to each of us because this is mortality.
We search for
happiness. ….And the Lord showers us with an amazing abundance of blessings.
But intermingled with the joy and happiness, one thing is certain: there will
be moments, hours, days, sometimes years when your soul will be wounded.”
The scriptures also point us to the “why” of sorrows
and afflictions:
To Joseph Smith and to all of us in D&C 122 –the
Lord identifies a long list of possible afflictions and in the end of verse 7,
we read—
“…and above all, if the
very jaws of dhell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee,
know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee eexperience, and shall be for thy good.”
Earlier in the Doctrine
and Covenants, we read in 29:39:
“And it must needs be that
the adevil should btempt the children of men, or they could not
be cagents unto themselves; for if they never should
have dbitter they could not know the sweet.”
And in the blessing from
Lehi to his son Jacob in 2 Nephi 2:2 reminds us:
thou knowest the
greatness of God; and he shall consecrate thine aafflictions for thy gain.
There will be hard times
and trials—for us to gain experience, to choose good from evil—, to see the
goodness of God and know of His Love, and to use the great Atoning Sacrifice of
Jesus Christ to change and to grow—so that our afflictions will be for our gain.
Each time we are faced
with challenging circumstances—spiritual or physically or watch hard things
unfold in the lives of those we love-we must make choices about how to respond
and to whom do we look for aid. And while we all have benefited from supportive
family, good friends, medical and other professional help, and a myriad of
other “earthly” helps, ultimately as covenant children of God and members of
the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we must learn to build our
foundation in Jesus Christ and anchor our faith in Him and His Atonement.
In one of the greatest verses
in our scriptures-Helaman 5:12-we are instrucked:
And now, my sons,
remember, remember that it is upon the arock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of
God, that ye must build your bfoundation; that when the devil shall send forth his mighty
winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and his
mighty cstorm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power
over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the
rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon
if men build they cannot fall.
Truly, the very
foundation of our mortal lives needs to be built on Jesus Christ our Redeemer—a foundation which
will not fail.
Sister Bingham compared
our needed relationship to Jesus Christ as an anchor. She said:
With
Jesus Christ as our anchor and perfect partner, we are assured of His loving
strength in trial and of eventual deliverance through Him.
She then quotes Elder M. Russell Ballard:
“Faith
in God and in his Son, the Lord Jesus Christ, is the … anchor we must have in
our lives to hold us fast. … Our faith … must be centered in Jesus Christ, his
life and his atonement, and in the restoration of his gospel.”2
Sister Bingham goes on--
“The
spiritual equipment that keeps us from being broken on the rocks of adversity
is our testimony of Jesus Christ and the covenants we make. We can rely on
these supports to guide and carry us to safety…….. However, we each must put on
the harness and make sure the knots are securely tied. We must choose to be
anchored to the Savior, to be bound to Him by our covenants”.3”
Sister Bingham shared an experience of rock climbing
where an anchor bolt failed, and she had to rely solely on the individual
belaying the rope to guide her down safely.
I loved that analogy to Christ.
In Him, we can safely rely to guide us to safely—always and forever.
And why can we rely on Him? Again, the answer is found in the
scriptures—in Alma 7: 11-12
And
he shall go forth, suffering pains and aafflictions and btemptations of
every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will ctake upon him
the pains and the sicknesses of his people.
And the end of verse 12 …..
that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may
know according to the flesh how to csuccor his
people according to their infirmities.
I would like to share parts of two experiences in our
lives. At this point, looking back, I
can’t call them afflictions or even trials as the blessings have so outweighed
the tears and heartaches of these times.
Infertility: When Gary and I got married in the late
1970s, we expected like many of you that we could have children when we wanted
to. But it didn’t work out that way. We
did the things that most couples in our situation do—we prayed, we fasted, our
families prayed and fasted for us, we went to the temple, we received
blessings, and we engaged in medical diagnosis and treatments. It was not a fun
process! About three years into it, I
was visiting my parents in Texas. One
morning, my mom and I were talking about a recent conversation she had with a
mutual friend who was struggling because she was in her mid-forties and hadn’t
married. My mom recounted that she had
told her that the Lord did not need all of his faithful daughters to marry and
have eight children. Although not
directed at me, it struck me that I had never thought to ask God what HIS will
was for me at this time. We had presumed
that to have children was the right thing—we were both promised children in our
patriarchal blessings—we are commanded to have children. But what was His Will for Gary and I right
now? Seems like an obvious question, but
I had never asked it. That night as I
knelt, I explained about our experiences in trying to have children and our
desire to be obedient to that commandment and then I asked, “But what would you
have me or us do right now?” And in one
of those rarer experiences in my life, the answer came immediately- “Go to
graduate school.” Now I had graduated in psychology and going to graduate
school was a goal of mine—at that mythical time when your kids are all in
school and you have “time” for such things.
But we hadn’t considered it for then despite the fact that we had
recently moved to Provo with Gary’s job.
It would take time and money away from “having children”. The answer was undeniable, and Gary supported
it completely. When I returned home to
Provo, I went to the BYU bookstore and bought a catalog and signed up for the
next GMAC exam which was 10 days away—the last one I could take and still apply
for entrance in the fall. I looked through
the catalog to find possible two-year programs—finally settling into school
psychology as my major.
As our life happened, I gave birth to our first
daughter two weeks after I finished my course work and never worked as a school
psychologist—but even within a few months, I could see how my course work
benefited my neighbors and friends, my Church service, and then later my own
children as they were in school.
Although we had felt like we were doing the “right” things by praying
for children, it wasn’t until I asked Heavenly Father in the name of his
Son—what His will was for us that the direction came.
Another example-Adoption:
By 1992 we had added three more children to our family
through adoption. Building your family
through adoption is a difficult, emotional experience but a spiritual breathtaking
journey as well. Deciding to adopt ONE
more was a scary thing. We put in our
application with LDS Family Services in hopes to adopt a preschooler a year or
two younger than our youngest. And as is
common in adoption, we waited—about 3 and half years. We had received calls about 12 other children,
but they were not the right one-- until we got the call about a baby girl with
Down syndrome. The agency was asking if we were willing to be considered by the
birthparents as a family for her. By then our youngest was in first grade, so
we were not looking for a baby. In
addition, while we were open to many special needs, we were not looking for a
child with Down syndrome. Gary was out
of town on business, so we only talked briefly about it on the phone and then
both started the process of pondering.
We each had experiences which eventually led to Jena being placed in our
family and if you know Jena you can imagine that it has been an amazing
experience being her parents. I have
often told people that it was the hardest decision...until the answer came and
then it was so clear that to not adopt Jena would have been impossible. Let me
share one brief example. The day after
we first heard about Jena was a Saturday and as Gary was out of town, I was
running four kids around to their games and doing the household tasks and the
other usual things. In the background of
my mind was pondering on what should our answer be about this little baby. At one point, the question came to my mind,
“Do you believe in the resurrection of Jesus?” Weird question, I thought, and
not relevant to my current decision, so I ignored it. A few minutes later the question came again
into my mind, “Do you believe in the resurrection of Jesus?” The repetition of
the question and the power in which it came caused me to pause and to reflect
in my mind on my testimony of the resurrection.
My mother had passed away about 18 months prior as well as a sister-in-law
just a few months before, I had relied on my testimony during those times of
grief and in the middle of that busy Saturday, I bore my testimony again in my
head—I knew that Christ gave up his life on the cross and was raised up on the
third day. And He lives.” Immediately, the relevance of the question
became clear. If I did not believe, then
why would I choose to “burden” our family in such a way if life ended at death? But if I believed—and I did, why would I not
want to cherish a spirit sister of mine by adding her to our family and to be
gifted to stand with her in the eternities?
At that moment of clarity, I knew that I would make myself available to
be her mom. I didn’t yet know what was going to happen—just that I was willing
to do whatever God intended for me and for this little baby girl.
Infertility and adoption—two of life’s challenges that
totally changed the course of my life and remade me into a different person and
have added so much to the richness and blessings that I have experienced from
our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. As
we looked toward Them and sought to do their Will, our afflictions have been
turned to our gain.
These experiences are in the past—we have lived long
enough to see the benefits of these things in our mortal lives. We have and are experiencing other heartaches
that are ongoing with no relief in sight.
I promise you that as you reflect back on past experiences where hard
times have become consecrated to your gain, you will have the courage needed to
face what is ahead. We need to remain anchored by our faith in Jesus Christ and
our complete willingness to obey the will of God and Jesus Christ. They stand
willingly and are able to provide the needed support, direction, and love. In one of my favorite hymns “How Firm A
Fountain” in the end stanzas of the 2nd verse, “as thy days may
demand, as thy days may demand, as thy days may demand, so thy succor shall
be.” I testify to you that Jesus Christ
stands available and that His succor is exactly what we need each day if we are
anchored to Him by living true to our covenants and seeking to do His will."
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