Happy Birthday to me--61 years old....

Chantel and I had a recent conversation about Facebook and we both agree that it is okay that you share only select things from your life.  It is not a "requirement" that everything must be shared there--the good and the bad.  It can simply be a way to share with your family and friends some of the highlights of your life.

A blog or a family history is a bit different.  Although I share mostly the positive things we are involved in, I don't want to leave posterity a false impression that life was always easy or that we were always involved in fun things and life went exactly as planned.  Life is great and our lives have not gone as planned but much more amazing and wonderful than we could have ever imagined as a young couple just starting off.  We have seen more, done more, served more, met more wonderful people, and had so many of the blessings of life.  We are so grateful for a loving Heavenly Father and our Savior, Jesus Christ, and our understanding of the plan and purpose of our lives.

But still there are days like July 1, 2016----and it actually had nothing to do with my birthday, itself. We had celebrated the night before and had plans to attend a play and lunch on Saturday so there wasn't much "pressure" or expectations for the day itself.  I don't care about turning a year older because those past years are so valuable and treasured by me and I know that the years ahead will be the same.

It just was one of those rotten, horrible, no-good days where I was just counting the hours until it was over so I could start a new day.

As I mentioned on June 26th, Ben was admitted to day treatment on Sunday prior to my birthday.  On Monday, he asked to be taken to the hospital from day treatment because the voices were so alarming to him.  We spent about 6 hours in the ER before he was admitted upstairs into their Behavioral Unit at Davis Hospital.  This is his second time at this hospital which is about 10 minutes from our house. It is a very small unit designed mainly for acute stays of 3-7 days.  They have not been very communicative during this first week which drives me nuts.  My first conversation with someone other than a nurse was the social worker calling on Thursday to tell me that they were sending him to mental health court the next day (July 1st).  Their belief was that he needed to be sent to the State Hospital for a long term treatment since the medications were no longer managing any of his symptoms. We thought that was a quick call on their part especially since they have no control over that placement. It must go thought Davis Behavioral Health.  However our feelings about the matter were not a part of their decision process.

So we started my birthday getting up early (I am not a morning person especially in the summer) and heading up to McKay Dee for the hearing.  We got there 30 minutes early to have a chance to talk to Ben.  However, it turned out to be a bad experience as we only were able to say hi when Ben was walked past us in the hallway and they never came out to get us.  About 30 minutes later, Ben was walked back out having been committed for 6 months.  I was more than furious.  The lawyer took the blame saying that he didn't know we were there. However it was unbelievable to me that people from Davis Hospital and from DBH knew we were there and didn't inform the attorney.  The attorney is appointed by the court and only met Ben right before the hearing.  The reasons he said that he was committed included not taking his medication and not managing his personal care--neither of these were true.  Ben was taking medication and he was managing his personal care up to that time.

This type of stuff drives me nuts.  I was ranting and raving all the way home and Gary was being the voice of reason and calm.  Finally I said, "I know.  You are right.  It was just a mistake. (pause) but you know I have to do something to fix it so it doesn't happen to someone else."  Gary smiled and said, "I wouldn't expect anything less from you."  Gary gets me and that is what of the reasons I love him.

So the afternoon was spent with emails and phone calls and trying to get information to decide the next best step. (As this is 2 weeks later, not much as been done to directly challenge what happened. It is difficult to challenge a system that you rely on to provide help to your child.  Mental Health Court might be a battle for another day.)

Not the best way to spend your birthday.... and the news from the hospital continued to get worse. Ben had slowly stopped talking over  the week and on Friday (my birthday)   he stopped eating, drinking and sleeping more than a few hours a day.  They told me that he cried off and on most of the day after the court hearing.

We dropped in to see Ben but the visit lasted less than a couple of minutes as he was not talking and seemed so detached--caught up in the illness we call schizophrenia.  It broke our hearts.  I didn't even talk to him about my birthday because I didn't want him to feel bad later that he had forgotten.

See what I mean---it was not a good day for a birthday.

However, I think I have mentioned before that our Heavenly Father is mindful of us even on no-good very bad days.  Like the song says, "As thy days may demand, as thy days may demand , as thy days may demand so his succor shall be."  (from How Firm a Foundation, 2nd verse). I needed some succor and he provided friends, my sweet husband and Jena to provide it that night.

First during the afternoon while I was ranting and raving at the hospital, etc. two sweet friends dropped off flowers for me for my birthday.  At different times during the afternoon--they didn't know what a day I was having but they loved me and touched my heart.

Thanks Tiffany (Dickson)  and Debbie (Woodrow)--they were perfect and sat for a couple of weeks to remind me that we are not alone but it is often through those around us that our Heavenly Father can help us.

Then, Gary----after our not so great visit with Ben, Gary pulled up his phone and took me on a search for some local examples of Free Neighborhood Libraries.  This is my birthday present this year.  Gary and our brother in law Gary Kerr are going to built me my own library for our front yard.  Basically it is a international movement to share literacy and community.  You place a small library in your yard and people are able to "Take a book, Leave a book" any time they want to.  I have lots and lots of books and it is a fun way to share my love of books with my neighborhood.  We will be officially registered and then people can search and find our library on the map along with a description of the types of books we might have.  I am hoping to encourage a Eagle project to build one or two to place in areas where the need for books is much more high than our area.  But the idea is that you can send your kid over to the Halls' to grab a book to read when they are bored.  We are also going to place some games in our library to also share with our neighborhood.  We are hoping to have it ready in the next few months and we will hold a "Ribbon cutting ceremony" and invite our neighborhood.  I am sure you will see more pictures as things progress.  Back to my birthday----

Off we went on our hunt--

East Kaysville-- this is similar to the design that Gary Kerr and I have come up with for our library.

If you register, you get one of these plaques for your library.

East Layton- this one is big and opens on both sides of the "schoolhouse".

This is in west Layton and has a park bench next to it.  On the door, it has instructions about the library and invites you to sit on the bench and read.

It was a simple activity but it took my mind off of the negative things and focused my thoughts on how excited I am to have my own Free Library and share books with my neighbors.  (Google Little Free Library to see the huge variety of things people have created these library out of.)  It is an excellent Eagle project if you can find a boy with interest in building and some adults to provide support.  Boys can collect books, help with building and painting and posting the box.  I have several ideas where I think it would be great to have library boxes like these.

When we got home, we found this in our living room.

Over the years we have placed birthday gifts in the living room to be opened when the family was all together...sometimes that didn't happen until late at night of the birthday or even the next day when kids were busy with jobs and school.

Turned out that Jena had wrote me a song for my birthday so we headed to the family room as instructed and she sang the song for me while she played the guitar.  I videoed it but it is very hard to hear her because she sang softly but it was perfect.  She loves me and wanted to tell me that in a song---

This is Jena right after she finished singing as we clapped.

Did I mention that I had a good birthday?

And to finish the tale--a great play with Gary and Jena at the Hale theatre the next day.  "The Big River" where we sat on row 2 and watch the story of Huckberry Finn and Jim play out in front of us. (Very timely message with the recent shooting of policemen in Dallas during a peaceful march of people--black and white protesting recent deaths of black men by white police officers.)

Life--it is always a mix of the good and the bad for all of us.  It is okay.  Some days can be no-goo-horrible days where we are sad and mad and make mistakes and feel sorry for ourselves.  The great news is that we can wake up the next day and try again.  Like the song from "Annie" says, "The sun will come out tomorrow."  It will and it always will---just hang on until it comes.

So--61--can't wait to see what else you bring me!