(Sunday, Nov. 9) Ben has been trying to manage his illness without anti-psychotics since mid-June. He has lost weight, felt more motivation and desire for the future, he got interested in gardening and spent hours in our backyard during the summer tending parts of the garden, he even read parts of books from time to time. That is the list of plusses. Unfortunately, his illness continue to worsen over the five months. It had become critical over the week prior as he had a couple of nights where he didn't sleep at all. Saturday night of Sadie's he again didn't sleep at all. That next morning Gary and I made the decision to admit him to day treatment at Davis Behavioral. We felt we needed the break from him and that perhaps being away from the house for half the day would help him sleep at night. Ben agreed, so Gary came and took Jena to Church and I headed off with Ben.
Sunday night he was able to sleep for about five hours although not until 3 or so in the morning. However Monday night he again could not settle down to sleep.. He paced and was filled with symptoms. I tried to stay up with him to help him manage himself but by 4 in the morning he was so distressed that he asked to be taken into the CRU--which is the inpatient unit of DBH. It is not a complete locked down unit. It is considered a level 2 unit.
There are lots of details which aren't needed for historical preservation but we later that night spent some time at the ER and he was admitted to a hospital in West Valley City where they said was the closest bed. We didn't have a great experience there and spent 8 days waiting to get him transferred to UNI which is the only hospital he has had experience with.
He had now been there about 8 days and is still really struggling. He just wants to be home with us. He is now, of course, on medications but it has been a very slow process to calm his symptoms. It is so sad.
I think I have mentioned before: I hate schizophrenia.
I can't begin to imagine how Ben survives day to day, but he is a fighter and my hero. He wants so badly to have the things of normal life--a job, a wife, and family. Luckily the one thing I know for sure is that we are here for one reason and one reason only--to become the sons and daughters of God that He intended when he sent us off from heaven. He has provided perfectly all we need to do that and in the end if we are successful and use the tools (the Atonement) He has given us all that He has will be ours and mortal life will just be a pleasant memory like a vacation or going to college. In that end, Ben will have all and more that he might miss on earth. 1% of the people in the world have schizophrenia. Poor Heavenly Father--He loves each one of them even more than I love and hurt for Ben.
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