Birth Mothers

While Jena was receiving her award, I was attending our "Birth mother Appreciation Dnner" which was put on by LDS Family Services.  We had a good dinner and it was great to see many old friends and to visit and laugh together.  I was the concluding speaker.  My talk was "odd" to me because in stead of talking directly about birth parents, I shared instead about my life as a mother of children who were adopted.  I called it"Reflections of a birth mother" and gave some of the many experiences related to raising our children and teaching them about adoption.  Afterwards many people asked me if they could have a copy of the ending.  I forwarded them that, but decided to also post it here.  In the future I also might enhance it for an article related to adoption. (whe I have tme for such things!).  But for now, I wanted it here for my children, for my friends with adoption connections and for the four unique women who made decisions which blessed my live so much.

"If I could speak to our children’s birth parents, I would say:

“You were never forgotten”.  We prayed for you.  We spoke of you and answered our children’s questions as best we could about you.  We taught our children to love and be grateful for you and for your sacrifice as we love and are grateful for you as well.  On birthdays, we remembered you as we shared their stories of their beginnings.  Each time someone says how--------fill in the blank------beautiful, bright, nice, talented, amazing that one of our children was, we have accepted that compliment for ourselves and also in behalf of you.

Despite what anyone in the world may have thought or have done or said to make you feel “less than” because of the decision you made.  Know that on our end we have stood and continue to stand as witnesses of your great love and amazing sacrifice.  We have honored you in private conversations and in newspaper interviews, we have supported others as a family and professional in your remembrance, we have tried to make the world a better more understanding place for you.

Each one of you no matter your circumstance held a child in your arms and made a decision that you believed was right and best for that child at that time and then you let the child go and started the process that placed them in our arms.  Are we perfect parents? No, but we are perfectly connected to these children we share.  We see your reflection in them, we love them and  we love you.  And you are remembered!"

As I mentioned, my talk was different than the one that I originally thought I would give.  A sweet tender mercy occured when the woman began to sing the closing song.  It too was a song about "reflections" and perfectly connected with the things which I had expressd.  I did not know even the title of the closing song.  It was an amazing moment.  I had an overwhelming feeling that I ha given the right talk for at least one person to hear.  And of course, I cried.  Did I mention that life is good?