Sitting in the rocking chair....(mushy motherhood reflection)

rocking Liam to sleep, my mind began to wander and I reflected on the many times I have sat in the rocking chair (or actually the rocking recliner in many cases) and rocked a child.  It is funny how certain tiny moments of motherhood can coming rushing back at moments like this--

I remembered the first night that Scott was in our home for good.  His foster family had told us that they rocked him about 5 minutes and then laid him down in his bed to go to sleep.  I did the same thing that night.  After I put him to bed, Jessica (age 3 1/2) came in and asked to be rocked as well. Jessica was not a "rock to sleep" type of person except when she was sick--she liked her own bed even as a young infant. However that night, she wanted to be rocked and so I did. "How long to you rock Scott?", she asked. "5 minutes". "Okay, rock me for five minutes.  Watch the clock," she commanded.  After a minute or so she wiggled down and went and got her pillow to lay across my lap, and there we rocked for the whole five minutes, she mostly straight across my lap and me smiling and remembering that even though she had prayed for a brother since she could talk, it was still a bit of an adjustment to share her parents.

The first 10 days I was Tosha's mom, she was still in the hospital waiting for hip surgery. Our interactions were confined to her crib in the hospital ward, a folding chair, or walking in the outside garden.  When finally we got to bring her home to recover from a rash before surgery, it was a great pleasure to rock her to sleep that night.  Tosha was a cuddly baby and although she easily went to sleep in her crib, I loved the times I could rock her then and later, even with her body cast from her armpits to her ankles, even that was a pleasure.

I thought about the many young foster babies and toddlers which have been in our home--Wai Hing, Sang Chai, Nathan, Paige, Emily, and others...some for a night and others over a much longer time period--them too I often would rock for naps or mid night feedings.  Their faces and stories filled my thoughts as I rocked Liam this week.

I could picture night after night with Ben especially when he was struggling with his asthma and sitting up with him in the rocking chair was the best position for him to sleep. And sweet little Jena--my last little one--how I treasured those times when she needed to be rocked to sleep or because she wasn't feeling well.  I was older then and understood that these types of moments wouldn't last forever.

I didn't know then that I would be able to recreate those sweet moments of motherhood again with my grandchildren--Scarlett, Niki, Liam and soon for Zander. There is something about those moments--the rocking, the peace and quiet, the feelings of love and "mothering" that apparently live in our hearts and minds forever!

I rocked Liam much longer than I needed to that night.  I loved the flood of memories, the moments I recalled with my own little children, the places and bedrooms or hospital rooms or hotels where I rocked my children to sleep.  I was glad that I knew that there were many nights when I rocked them much longer than I needed to as well.  Even then in the busyness of mothering, I knew that I wouldn't hold them forever like that--cuddled, warm, next to my heart, in the quietness of the night.  They don't remember those moments, but I do and even now as I look at some of them with children of their own, those memories bring me to tears and thankfulness that I got to be a mother AND their mother.  Thanks, Jessica, Scott, Ben, Tosha and Jena for making me a mother and allowing me to rock you to sleep and to comfort you when you were sick or hurt.  How I love you and I love being your mom.

And thanks,Liam, for allowing me to rock you to sleep.