In memory of Valerie Jo Hall Burk

I am not sure how you talk about something serious like someone you love passing away on a blog.  In general, this is a blow by blow report of our comings and goings.  However it would not be right to not record it either.  As fall follows summer, so is death a real part of every one's life on this earth.  We accept it as part of the plan of our Heavenly Father and a consequence of having a mortal body.  It's the timing of it that hits us--almost every time--probably every time. And the loss which is emotional, physical, and spiritual all at once!

Valerie waiting for the Heber Creeper on our
Hall women trip to Park City, UT in 2008

Valerie is Gary's sister two years younger than he is.  She was born on June 23, 197 and died on September 23, 2013.  She and her husband Allan lived just around the corner from us for the past 15 years.  Valerie and Allan had just celebrated their 23rd anniversary the Saturday before.  They were a very devoted couple.  They both had unique health challenges--she had epilepsy and he had type 1 diabetes and short term memory difficulties due to a heart attack and coma at the age of 23.  Then two years ago he was diagnosed with frontal lobe dementia which added an additional burden to them both.  Through it all, they took care of each other.  He called her his "petunia".  You just had to love them.  They looked after each other and dealt with life's challenges in a sweet and giving way.  In recent years Valerie has had an upswing in grand mal seizures which forced her not to drive for many months at a time.  Of all the hardships her illness caused her that was really the only thing that she complained about.


Allan--a snapshot taken at their "Super Heroes"
Family Photography session this past summer
with all five Page boys (Valerie's five sons)
and their families at Layton Park

Valerie has five sons from her first marriage and Allan has a son and a daughter from his first marriage so they had a houseful as they worked together to blend that family and meet the needs of everyone.  For the past 20 years Valerie worked part-time as a cook for the school district. She liked crafts and quilting and spoiling her grand kids.  She and Allan had 15 grandchildren--10 boys and five girls with two on the way.  A new grandson was born exactly one week later and her new grand daughter arrived last Sunday.  She had already completed a set of blue blankets and burp cloths and a set of pink ones for the new arrivals.

She passed away probably from heart stress due to seizures although no one will ever know exactly.  Gary and I had received phone calls from Allan indicating that Valerie had had a seizure and since he couldn't reach us (this was during the play) he called 911.  It was our sweet neighbors (many of them) who went over when they saw the paramedics and one knew my phone number and updated me on the way home.  It was a frightening ride home with Gary and his mom in one car and me with the four girls in our car.  I kept relaying messages to Gary trying not to worry the girls in my car.

One sweet moment was after we dropped off Kaitlyn in Layton, Meggan asked if we could pray together.  I immediately pulled over and asked her to say the prayer.  In her prayer she asked for a blessing on Valerie but then spoke about strength for Allan.  It was then that I felt that Valerie was gone.  Fifteen minutes later I dropped Jena off with Meggan where she spent the night (Jena doesn't like to sleep away from her own bed--unless we are on a trip-- and especially not without her pjs.  I told her that she was going to spend the night with Meggan.  She looked around and said, "Did you bring my pjs and stuff?"  I said no.  She said, "Will Kristy (Meggan's mom) let me take my shoes off?"  When I assured her that Kristy would, she said she would be fine.  She actually wore some of Meggan's pjs. which is really unusual for her.)  As Kristy hugged me tight, I was just so grateful that we were not alone, we were surrounded by people who loved Valerie and loved us.

I arrived at their home to find neighbors waiting to hug me before even entering her house.  Gary, his mom, and his sister Charon and her husband, our Bishop Steve Slater (who is also our home teacher), the Relief Society President Marge Beardall (who is also our next door neighbor) and of course her sweet husband, Allan.  There was only one police car remaining in the cul de sac.  It was a quiet home as I entered in.  As we hugged and shared comfort with each other, I felt that sweet peace which only comes from the Holy Ghost.  It was shocking and so unexpected but we knew what to do.  We talked, we prayed, and we strengthened each other through the days ahead.  Her sons and then her two step  children gathered from across the United States.

Vonette, Charon, Gary's mom, Valerie,
Gary and Jena peeking out beside
Gary.  This is the last picture of Mom with her
four children taken during our recent trip
to Oregon at the first of September.
We are so glad we had that last special time
together.

We all spent most of our time together at the house, caring for each other and especially for her sweet husband.  It was always the plan that he would pass away first not Valerie his wife, companion and caretaker.  I said early and often to Allan that it takes eight of us to do what Valerie had done for him.  In reality each family member has taken a role in that caring.  Her sons were terrific and continue to do a great job in managing things  Gary has been amazing.  He has watched over his mom, helped his nephews with funeral and financial responsibilities, and was the "main" man for Allan especially until his two children arrived from Oregon and then after they left.  One moment he would be near as Allan re-remembered the death of his wife the next moment he would be taking Allan bowling because that it was Allan wanted to do.  I am not sure when he ever had a moment to grief as he was looking over all of us.  I would just watch Gary and love him even more than ever before.  We hardly talked with each other, it seemed, the month of October between everything we were doing, but I was amazed at all that he was able to get done in a day.

The funeral was held on Saturday with each of the five boys speaking for 5 minutes each talking about one of the roles of their mom.  It was great and very sweet.  She loved her sons and was very proud of them and their families.

Two sweet experiences from that week:  On Tuesday morning (after only about 3 hours of sleep), I was coming from running on errand into Syracuse heading to our neighborhood.  I thought about the same trip the night before and the fear and sadness I had felt and contrasted my feelings of peace that morning.  I thought how strange that was--the great peace that I felt so shortly after Valerie's death.  I was still pondering about that as I parked my car at Valerie's and hopped out of the car.  My sweet friend and Valerie's neighbor Tiffany called out to me from her driveway asking how we were doing.  I said that I felt peaceful and then she responded, "We are praying for you."  At that moment, I felt an overwhelming feeling of the love and prayers  of this sweet neighbor and all of our neighbors who loved Valerie and Allan and also loved Gary and I and our family--personally.  The physical sense of peace I felt as I entered my neighborhood was literally a response of our Heavenly Father to their prayers for us and our families.  It was a tender mercy for me.

The second experience also happened shortly after that on the same day.  I went home in the afternoon and walked into my kitchen to find some flowers and a wonderful picture of Christ holding a little lamb.  It came with a card signed by twenty or more of our sweet neighbors.  I was overwhelmed with their kindness to us and cried for a  long time--the good kind of tears of grief and love mixed together. 

All of that happened on Jena's birthday (of course since her birthday is the day after Gary's).  I was so glad that we had celebrated the night before as we didn't actually even open gifts for Gary or Jena until the Sunday after the funeral.  However throughout the day little gifts were also left for Jena for her birthday from our friends and also her Young Women leaders. My visiting teacher brought her salsa and chips just for her for her birthday.  It wasn't a typical birthday for a 17yr. old but it made special by our good neighbors.

And there is the "short" version of a very hard week for all of us!