Change.....

(if I wrote in a journal, this is more of that type of entry, but since I don't I decided to add it here.  Feel free to skip if you like.)

I am a person who is not opposed to change--I like new adventures and new challenges.  I am somewhat of a risk taker and am willing to put myself in new situations especially if it involved things I am passionate about. When someone moves out of my neighborhood, I am sad but I am also excited about the opportunity to meet someone new.  I loved the opportunity to move to different places and feel that my life has been so enriched by each places we have lived as a family. And yet----this has been hard...................(nothing serious--don't be alarmed.)

It first started when we were in Oregon on our last day which was a Sunday.  In the morning Charon and Mike got texts from friends back in Utah telling them that they had announced in Church that there was going to be a special meeting the following Sunday evening and that a new ward was going to be created.  I wasn't really concerned.  The growth in the stake was in the south end.  Our ward was squarely in the middle--a nice large ward within a very square boundary.  We often walked the whole area on a Sunday evening.  No reason to be concerned. Although we went through several ward changes when we first moved here, it had been very stable for the past 9 years as the Walnut Grove Ward. Moving to a Utah ward was not easy for me and it took a long time to feel like I had a place here but we have grown to love our neighbors.  These were the people who knew our family as they grew and especially had nurtured and loved Jena.  In turn she loved them.  Because of our involvement in callings, she knew where almost everyone lived in our ward which was a great feeling for us.  We were safe and comfortable.

When we returned home from our trip I had a few brief conversations with different friends about the upcoming meeting.  However we all were very relaxed about the whole thing.  The growth is in the south not our area and we were okay.  There was some information going around that all but one ward was going to be adjusted.  Even with that, we worried about people on our edges of our ward but didn't expect much more than that.

Until the meeting started and the Stake President referred to the new ward as Barber Acres.  That was a neighborhood immediately to our west of where we lived and then I knew, even before seeing the map that this was going to be much more than losing some families on the edge of the ward.  The top third of our current ward was combined with 2/3s of another ward plus two cul-de-sacs from a third ward to create the new Barber Acre Ward.

It was been a three weeks and I am still in mourning.  I am sure that I will adjust but it really has been so much harder than it should be.  Maybe I am getting too old, maybe I am too busy in other parts of my life that I just wanted that to stay the same for me.  I am sad for Jena to lose that support group of people she knows and who know her. I am sad for Gary who has loved serving with the Bishopric as the ward clerk.  He too is facing lots of changes as he begins the process of looking for a new job.  We were comfortable with our roles within the ward and how we interacted and supported people and how they helped and supported us. 

I still don't have a calling.  Gary was sustained as Assistant 11 yr. leader but they changed the day of Scouts which makes it impossible for him to remain the whole time as he has a commitment with our brother-in-law so that is frustrating from the beginning.

The only thing really that has helped is two weird dreams I had Wednesday night prior to the Stake meeting.  In the first dream, all of Walnut Grove Ward was in the old Stake Center from my childhood.  During daylight hours we were under attack from Chinese Military helicopters.  At night we were trying to sneak out the children to safety a few a night.  This was an intense dream which woke me up.  The next dream started with a member of the Stake Presidency and his wife arriving our home (in some town we have never lived in) and they were there as our real estate agents to take us to our new home.  They drove us out to a house up on a hill which overlooked the whole city.  It was huge and had a pool off the family room which also had a view of the city below.  The dream was very detailed as we walked through each room and talked about it.  That even included checking the furnace.  The whole dream I kept saying "I don't want to move.  I like my house.  I don't want a bigger house with more things to do and take care of."  President Davis kept saying to me that I will learn to love this and this is what you need.  It is silly I know, but as I face the changes which are occurring, I do think to myself, "Some day I will be so glad this happened."  The problem is that I know that it takes work to get to that point--I am not sure I have energy to do that right now.

I put this in the family blog because this is something that will often face us as we grow in the gospel and in life.  Sometimes things are hard, it is not what we want, and we don't want to change or face new things.  Hopefully over time, all of us will see--it really was worth it!!!

(As for now, I may still have my private discussions with Heavenly Father who so far has been patient with my list of concerns and fears!  Advice is welcome from my family and friends!)