There is a lot of ways to recharge--going to the temple, praying and studying the scriptures, reading books, walks, quiet times. In some ways, the whole process of being on a mission is a "life recharge" as life's focus is unique and more focused on serving outside of family than ever before (because we all know that parenting is the ultimate service for another--but parents need to take care to recharge themselves.)
One significant way that I recharge is spending time with friends in fun and/or serious conversations. I had the chance to take Ben to a GI specialist on July 22, so I made arrangement to combine that with a visit with Eileen Bradford and Sandy Lai, friends from the Hong Kong days.
Although our visit a few days before with Ben had been good, by Thursday he was struggling again. He hadn't slept well for the last few nights and was extremely anxious. It was likely due to a recent medication adjustment which was trying to manage other side effects of medications. Changes even ones that might end up being useful in the long run can upset things like sleep and anxiety, but knowing that doesn't make it easier to see it happening. (Update: Things have settled a bit down for him and he has been sleeping okay this past four days.) He was pacing back and forth and expressing paranoid thoughts while at the doctor's. Good news from the visit was that the liver seems to be doing great--better than in a few years and the doctor feels it doesn't need to be monitored as closely now.
Dr. Roundy, Ben's psychiatrist, had given me permission to take Ben out into the community. I had thought I would take him shopping to get some clothes items, but it was clear that would not be comfortable for him. I offered to take him for a drive up Provo Canyon. Sometimes being in a car is hard for him when he has a lot of symptoms, but he surprised me by saying yes. So we drove up the canyon, got ice cream at Dairy Keen in Heber City, and then went back. He was still stressed when he returned but was able to talk it through better. We were able to spend some time with his doctor as well when we got back which was also reassuring to Ben (and to me) as we talked about things which might help Ben manage his distress.
It all made for a stressful afternoon for Ben which means for me, I was feeling sad. It is truly heartbreaking to watch this illness play out in Ben. And to know that 1% of the world deals with schizophrenia--many without the support and services that Ben has--weighs on my heart.
I wasn't sure I was really "in the mood" to spend the late afternoon and evening with my friends. However, it turned out to be exactly what I needed for that recharge. They were already in the pool when I arrived, so I changed and hopped in. We floated and talked for three hours in the pool--shaded from the afternoon sun by her house--it was perfect. We changed our clothes and headed to the Din Sum Kitchen for a late dinner. Since our friendship started in Hong Kong, it was a sweet connection and stimulated remembrances of other meals we have shared and memories that we experienced. It was wonderful!
I left that evening--still concerned about Ben--but calm and confident that things will be okay--in the long view!
I needed that! Thanks, Sandy and Eileen, for that and our friendships over these many years!
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