The next ten days that I stayed in Mesa with my sister brought the same familiar experiences that I have felt in the past when death has touched those I love. We gathered, we cried, we hugged, we laughed, and then we cried some more. There were remembering times and quiet times. There were times when we are all together and other times, we stepped away for our own private thoughts. It was a holy and sacred time as we drew on our faith and hope and understanding to give us peace in our grief.
And it was a time to love and to be loved. And loved we were--by neighbors and ward members and leaders from two wards--the Noble Ward where Valerie and Lance lived and the Pueblo Ward where Lance had been serving as Bishop for 3 1/3 years. There were flowers, gift boxes, cards, money, paper supplies, and lots and lots of food. There were sweet porch visits--masks and all, phone calls, text messages, and Facebook comments--and not just to Valerie, but to her children, his mom and siblings, and to us. We shared them and laughed and cried some more. Each item, each contact was a gift of loving and evidence of the power of mourning with those who mourn. There were probably hundreds of contacts and the number prayers and kind thoughts are probably innumerable and we felt the power of them all.
(Literally, as I am typing this on August 9th, a friend from our neighborhood-Marie Whale- dropped off these cinnamon rolls because she had heard about Lance's passing. One more kind act of service and loving.)
Days were a bit of a blur with people coming and going. Valerie's kids and in-laws (and Brad, the boyfriend) were amazing and spent most of the days and some of the nights at the house. Household tasks got done without anyone in charge--each noticing and doing what needed to be done. Grandkids were sometimes there and served as a distraction but they are little mostly and not understanding of the intensity of emotions. They were busy with all of the tasks of planning a funeral with the added complication of the pandemic and the specific rules in place in Arizona. They are a very talented bunch of adults and they all used their skills to make things perfect in honor of their dad.
Monday night, Valerie got the autopsy results back that showed that his heart was enlarged and that his death would have been sudden and without pain. Although you never want to be there to get autopsy results for any family members, these were a relief to everyone.
Family began to gather. Lance's mother arrived on Tuesday afternoon along with a niece of Landi and LJ who came to help them with their four daughters--a kind offering from a wise sister-in-law in Utah. A nephew, Eric, arrived late on Tuesday night as well (he had helped Tommy drive up from Idaho with four little kids since Kara had flown to Mesa on Saturday morning to be with her family. They had just arrived in Idaho for a family vacation with Tommy's family planned for a week when she had gotten the call about her dad.)
Thursday, Gary and Jena arrived from Syracuse and my brother Scott arrived from Austen, Texas. Lance's sister, Natalie, her husband and four of her kids also came in that afternoon. Lance's brothers, Jerry and Joey arrived late Thursday night. Then my Scott arrived on Friday morning in time for the family viewing along with more of my nieces and nephews- Lisa Neerings and Paul and Randee Giberson (my brother Mike's kids) and then my nephew Scotty arrived Friday afternoon--he was unable to make the funeral because of work commitments but he still wanted to spend time with family at this special time. Also on Friday afternoon, Lisa's and Paul's families joined us for the afternoon and evening. We loved having them all. And missed those who couldn't be with us. All of Lance's siblings were able to be there except his sister, Lynette, and her husband who were serving a mission in Australia. Fortunately they were able to watch the funeral over the link and were Facetime during the grave dedication.
There was a public viewing held on Thursday night--July 30th at their stake center. Masks were required and people were to social distance. They had ushers who did a good job and made sure that people entered and exited the building from the right doors. There were lots of pictures taken but not by me.
Here is one of the kids--on the night of the viewing-
Jarom, Landi, Megan, Justin, Kara, Kristen, Jordan, and Kylie
The funeral was on Friday, July 31, 2020. My nieces and nieces-in-law put together this amazing tribute in the foyer of the church. It included some of the photos, awards, gifts, and remembrances of Lance including some muddy garden sneakers which were on the back porch of their home.
I love the rack of ties. Lance had to wear ties a lot--both in his jobs and also in his Church services. Some of the ties were labeled with tags--whose wedding they were from or other connections. Included was one tie from his mission to Spain so many years ago and a poinsettia print tie that my mother made Lance--he wore it on every Easter since then because, as he explained to those who asked: "Christmas was meaningless without Easter."
Sign in table---
This photo of Lance was part of some pictures he and Valerie had taken last December "because Lance wanted to have missionary pictures ready when they submitted their papers."
The photo was made 11" by 18" inches for posting at the funeral. When LJ (Lance Johnson, son in law) was carrying it down to the foyer he said, "I know dad would unhappy about the size of this photo. I am sure he is complaining that we shouldn't have done it so big." I am sure he was.
The funeral was restricted to 99 people in-person. Fortunately, they were able to set up a link so that friends, family, and ward members could view over the internet by a brand new streaming service that the Church just started. In addition, the Pueblo Ward was able to meet in another building and watch the service together (under 99 people) and also have it translated into Spanish for them.
Another restriction in Arizona at the time was that no public singing was allowed even with masks on. So instead, we had musical numbers performed by talented family members and one trio by three sisters in the Pueblo Ward sung in Spanish. The funeral was amazing and was just right for a great and kind man like Lance. He probably thought that too many nice things were said, but he really lived that kind of life--one filled with love and service and a continual desire to improve. I have included the obituary below.
After the funeral, we headed to the graveyard where we had a short service which included singing the first and fourth verse of "I Believe in Christ." and then the grave dedication by Jarom. Each of the grandchildren then placed a one dollar silver coin on the casket in honor of the silver dollars he gave to each of the grandchildren whenever they came on a Sunday for a visit. They each have a piggy bank of those silver dollars to remember Grandpa.
Sidenote: It was about 116 at the graveside. For years, I have been telling my nieces and nephews NOT to plan weddings in AZ from May through October. That didn't really work as weddings seem to happen when they happen. Apparently, so do other things.
At the family dinner after the graveside, we got this family shot:
Scott, me, Valerie, and Mike
Lance's obituary-
Lance Waine Ipson, 60, passed away unexpectedly on July 24, 2020. Lance was born March 12, 1960 in Salt Lake City, Utah to Gerald and Dorothy Ipson.He grew up in Murray and South Jordan, Utah and graduated from Bingham High School. He served as a missionary for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints in the Spain Sevilla Mission. Upon his return he attended Brigham Young University where he met his wife, Valerie Giberson. They were sealed in the Jordan River Temple in 1982. Lance ultimately graduated from Utah State University with an accounting degree. Lance and Valerie raised their eight children in Utah, Israel, and Mesa, Arizona.Lance valued marriage and fatherhood as vital to God’s plan for His children on earth. Fond memories include regular date nights, family dinners and birthdays, laughing and playing games, vacations, and family reunions. Getaways with his wife were important to him, with trips to Spain and Costa Rica among the most memorable.Lance was a cherished son, brother, and friend. He was loyal to his childhood friends. He had a great love for his parents and siblings, and since the death of his father was an amazing support to his mother. He loved his ancestors, and genealogy and temple work were fundamental in his life.His love for the Lord and the gospel of Jesus Christ defined Lance as a person. He sought to exemplify the Savior in his daily life and in his interactions with others. He enjoyed serving in the Church and held numerous callings mostly in scouting and the young men’s organization. He also served on the High Council, in a branch presidency, and as a bishop twice. Lance was currently serving as bishop in a Spanish-speaking ward. He loved sending missionaries off, ministering to others, and studying the gospel.Lance was known for his incredible work ethic. He began his accounting career as an auditor with the Defense Contract Audit Agency which eventually took his family to Israel for over two years. He spent seventeen years in the accounting and sales tax departments of Freeport-McMoRan in Phoenix and Miami, AZ where he enjoyed traveling internationally and using his Spanish. He said he “failed at retirement” and went to work for Viad Corp. and was currently an employee at Mitel in Mesa as an Indirect Tax Manager.Lance played sports in school and was physically active all of his adult life. He ran two marathons and hiked the Grand Canyon rim to rim. He loved camping and fishing, especially in the High Uintas of Utah. He grew up attending BYU basketball games with his dad, and proudly supported BYU and USU sports, the Utah Jazz and the Arizona Diamondbacks. One of his greatest joys came from supporting his children and grandchildren in every sport and activity possible. He organized family sporting activities such as basketball and baseball games. He launched the Ipson Family & Friends 5K. Lance enjoyed working in the yard, raising chickens, and gardening. He valued education and was thrilled that his children followed his example of seeking college degrees.Survived by his wife, Valerie, his eight children, Jarom (Starla), Landi Johnson (Lance), Megan, Justin (Anatosha), Kara Willford (Tommy), Kristen Williams (Nate), Jordan (Sarah), and Kylie, and seventeen grandchildren, as well as his mother, Dorothy, and four siblings: Gerald Jr., Lynette Vawdrey, Joseph, and Natalie Muterspaugh. Preceded in death by his father, Gerald Ipson.In lieu of flowers, please donate to the Pueblo Ward Mission Fund in c/o Bishop Ipson at 8811 E. Florian Ave, Mesa, AZ 85208.
Gary, Jena and I moved over to a hotel to relieve the pressure at the house although we spent most of our time at the house. Gary along with help from Scotty and LJ were able to get some house repairs done over the next few days while we kept talking. There were even some moments of game playing and swimming because apparently it is what we do!
Noticed Gary and LJ fixing the lock on the front door that recently stopped working while others played games.
A view of some flowers and plants--moved off the table for dinner and game playing.
After a long day, the grandchildren gathered in Grandpa and Grandma's bedroom to watch a movie.
This is how it was from the day of the funeral through Sunday night as people came and went, food was eaten, hugs were shared and goodbyes were said.
Sunday, Valerie and I went together to attend Fast and Testimony meeting at the Pueblo Ward. Luckily it was all in Spanish, but it was right to be there with Valerie and to feel the spirit of this sweet ward who had also just lost their beloved Bishop. More hugs for Valerie from the ward members as this is likely the last time she will attend their ward as she will return to her home ward.
It was hard to say good bye to Valerie on Sunday night as we left for the hotel. Despite all of our conversations, I wondered if I had said the most important things that would truly help her for the days and weeks ahead. I wanted to make everything easy for her while knowing that there was nothing I could do that would do that.
We left early Monday morning and made the trip back to Utah in about 12 hours and with only one stop for gas and lunch. There were times of reflections as we drove back and sadness as life has been altered once again by losing someone we loved.
When we got home, the first thing I did was grab some of the garbage in the car and walked around the side of the garage to throw it away---
And this view took my breath away---
When I left, there were only two blooms among these sunflower plants. And now, it was filled with blooms. It seems silly but at that moment in time, I felt an overwhelming welcome and sense of peace from these happy flowers. They knew I needed that!
I was so touched that I sent my sister a picture of the sunflowers for her day as well.So thankful for nature and the God of it all! It brought me peace at just the right moment.
And we are home--and life does move on, just differently than before.
Alex
Liam being silly for photos today--
Alex and Carter
