LET
US BE GRATEFUL-- NOT JUST IN NOVEMBER
I want to point out that all of you adults in the
Barber Acres Ward have one tiny thing to be grateful for as a result of the
pandemic. As you know, it is traditional
in our ward when a young elder or sister leaves on their mission that their
respective class comes up and sings an appropriate missionary hymn. As Gary and I thought about this day at the
beginning of the year, it only made sense since Gary is in the Elders Quorum
and I am in Relief Society that all of the adult members of the ward should
come up and sing “Called to Serve” or “I’ll go where you want me to go, Dear
Lord.” But because of the pandemic, no
choir numbers so you all dodged that bullet. So one thing to be grateful for—
Years ago when our oldest four children ranged in
age from 2 ½ to 9 we lived in northern
suburb of Dallas. On our first spring
break , Gary was away on a business trip. So I decided that it would be a good idea to
break up the week by taking the kids to the Ft. Worth Zoo. We hadn’t lived in Texas very long and I had
never driven to Ft. Worth and this was before google maps when you had to
figure it out on a map before you went.
I did that and we got up early and made it to the zoo with no problems.
We had a wonderful time at the zoo. The kids were having fun and just happy. They tolerated Scott wanting extra time in
the Reptile House and when the girls wanted “just one more minute at the
monkeys.”. It was a perfect day. They even got to ride a camel around a small
dirt yard. When we finished the visit to
the zoo, we had a picnic on tables inside.
And then it happened, if you are a parent you know
the moment I am referring to—when happy, fun children change in an instant to
tired whining children. It started as we
cleaned up lunch—I didn’t eat those chips I’m not throwing that bag away…and it
continued as we walked across the large parking lot.—I want to sit by the
window. I want this CD. No, this one….by the time we got to the car and buckled
everyone into their seat belts, I was done.
I was thinking thoughts like: I
am never ever taking these children anywhere again by myself and where is Gary
when I need him? I used my not so nice
mommy voice and told them all to be quiet so that I could figure out how to get
out of the parking lot and retrace the unfamiliar route back home which an hour
and half away and lots of traffic.
After about 2 minutes of silence, Ben who was four
and half at the time said: “Mommy, thank you so much for taking me to the
zoo. I had so much fun.” In an instant my heart melted and my thoughts
changed. It had been a good day. We had fun together which is what I wanted.
And oh, how glad I am that Gary taught our kids by example and instruction to
express gratitude to me as their mom.
Ben’s simple thanks changed my
heart and changed our journey home. We
began talking about the zoo and singing silly songs until one by one my tired
children fell asleep. But then in that
silence, I found joy, all because my young son had said thank you.
I have never forgotten that experience. Such is the
power of gratitude in our lives.
We are commanded to live in a spirit of thankfulness
and gratitude. In D &C 98:1 we read:
“and in everything give bthanks;”
Even social scientists acknowledge the power of
gratitude in humans.. Researchers have
shown that there are multiple benefits (we call them blessings) for the person
expressing gratitude. Some of these
are: increases an individual’s positive
mood , reduces stress, can aid sleep, improve immune responses, and encourages
the development of patience, humility and wisdom. Who does want those things in
their lives? Is it no wonder that we have been commanded to be grateful?
In his talk “Grateful in Any Circumstances” in April
Conference 2014 , Elder Uchtdorf said:
“Our loving Heavenly Father knows that choosing
to develop a spirit of gratitude will bring us true joy and great happiness.”
It shouldn’t surprise us that God would teach men
this truth from the beginning of time because of its great power to impact our
lives and help us deal with the circumstances, good or hard, we inevitably will find ourselves in on our
mortal journeys.
I have chosen to speak about three aspects of
gratitude that can help us develop that spirit of gratitude that Elder Uchtdorf
referred to. They are: 1. Intentionally look to see. 2. Feel and
nurture these feelings in our hearts, and 3.
Express gratitude in words,
action and service.
First, we need to “look to see.” In my work as a
therapist, I have done some marriage counseling. I often give my clients
homework and one of the first ones that I would often give couples is for them
to express thanks for something that their spouse does for them. Unsurprising couples who are seeking marriage
counseling often have very hard time with this assignment. Due to past hurts and difficulties they have
stopped looking any of the good in their spouse. They often complain that it is
too hard or it seems fake for them to express gratitude. For some it becomes
impossible. But I can tell those who try
to do it—they don’t come and tell me
what great things their spouse had said to them, but they comment on the change
of their feelings toward their spouse as they look for ways to thank them. Their own hearts become soften and they are
often more able to approach the hard work needed to repair their troubled
relationship.
This tool applies to all relationships, including
our ones with God and Jesus Christ.
In the last part of Alma 34: 38 …
cworship God,
in whatsoever place ye may be in, in spirit and in truth; and that ye live
in dthanksgiving daily, for the many emercies and blessings which he doth bestow
upon you.”
In order to live in thanksgiving, we need to
intentionally look around and acknowledge that gifts that others including our
Heavenly Father gives us. We need to do
that daily not just in November as we celebrate Thanksgiving. We need to try to
notice the blessings in our life. Pres. Eyring shared how nightly he would
write three blessings or tender mercies that he had seen during the day. There are multiple Gratitude Journals that
you can buy which are set up specifically for that type of recording. They
provide a way to intentional look at our days and see the blessings there. A
friend of mine has a tradition at dinner time called “Thorns and Roses” where
each family member shares one hard thing from the day and one great thing or
blessing. Teach yourselves and your
children to look to see the blessings they are receiving.
Second, we need to feel and nurture these feelings
in our hearts. Marcus Cicero, a Roman statesman and scholar, stated “A thankful heart is the parent of all
virtues.” For this to be true in our
lives, our thanks needs to go beyond the social norms of saying thank you and
really reflect our true feelings. What
made that moment so powerful when Ben said thank you after the trip to the zoo
was because he was speaking from his heart.
He didn’t do it because I reminded him to . He said it because that is what he felt.
Elder Uchtdorf said that we need to develop an
attitude of thankfulness regardless of the immediate circumstances that we are
in. It needs to be “a way of life that stands independent of our current situation.” Later
in the same talk he says “This type of
gratitude transcends whatever is happening around us. It surpasses disappointment, discouragement
and despair. It blooms just as
beautifully in the icy landscape of winter as it does in the pleasant warmth of
summer.”
My mom had this quality. Let me share an example: On the first Sunday in December of 1985, I
was attending Church with my parents in Amarillo, Texas. Back then, they held a short testimony
meeting during the last 15 minutes of the Relief Society lesson. On this Sunday, my mom bore her testimony and
started by saying: “I am so blessed by my Heavenly Father and have been
protected from many of the hardships of life ….and then she went on. I didn’t think anything about her
statement. That is how my mom described
her life—she considered herself very blessed.
Until the next sister stood to bear her testimony: She started by saying “If Sister Giberson can
count herself blessed and she has had nine years of congestive heart failure,
spent six months away from her family this year and had a heart transplant, I
think a lot of us need to stop complaining.”
That was all true and yet my mom still saw her life has blessed because
she had that attitude. Nine years
earlier at the age of 41, my mom was diagnosed with congestive heart
failure. Her health slowly decline so
that even things like playing the piano or attending Church became too
difficult for her. A heart transplant
was her only option and she moved to San Jose and was there for six months-
first waiting for a heart and then recovering from the surgery. Throughout that experience she repeatedly
told us of the wonderful blessings she was feeling and experiencing in her
life. She lived her life as Elder Uchtdorf
suggested—in being thankful in our circumstances whatever they may be.
So follow the suggestion in Alma 37:37: and when thou
risest in the morning let thy heart be full of thanks unto God”
‘
Focus on making your heart feel gratitude despite
whatever is going on your life. It takes
practice. It requires us to be humble
and exercise faith, but the rewards can be great.
In
D&C 78:19 “And he who receiveth all things with thankfulness shall be made
glorious; and the things of this earth shall be added unto him, even an hundred
fold, yea, more.”
Third, we need to express our gratitude in words,
action, and service. It is not enough to see and to feel, we must live a
grateful life. We need to express in
words to our Heavenly Father, to our spouses, our children, to our neighbors
and friends our gratitude for the things they do for us daily. We can write a
note or send a text to someone who taught an inspiring lesson. We can bake cookies for our children’s
Primary teachers. We can praise God in
public and private moments for His goodness. We can spend more time in prayer
in thanking Heavenly and Christ for the blessings we are experiencing.
Sometimes we skip too quickly from the thankful part of the prayer to to the
asking. Try just having a prayer and
expressing gratitude for blessings. We can also follow His commandments which
is one of the ultimate ways we show our gratitude for all He and His Son, Jesus
Christ, have done for us.
Imagine this scene recorded in Ether 6:12: Remember
that the Jaradites have just spent 344 days in a tight ship being tossed to and
fro by the winds and the waves. Verse 12
states:
12 And
they did aland upon the shore of the bpromised land. And when they had set their feet upon
the shores of the promised land they bowed themselves down upon the face of the
land, and did humble themselves before the Lord, and did shed tears of joy
before the Lord, because of the multitude of his ctender mercies over them.
In this reading of the Book of Mormon, this moment
hit home to me, because I had a similar feeling on the day we received our
mission call. When Gary and I got
married, we set serving a full time senior mission as one of our goals and
since we would both turn 65 this year we set 2020 as a possible target. Then life happened and in the past several
years, we wondered if it would even be possible for us to serve as full time
missionaries. As we began receiving the
promptings to put in our application, I was still very nervous that God knowing
our many demands and unique circumstance might decide that we should not
serve. After waiting 7 weeks for our
call, I was so relieved when we got the notification that our call had arrived. This was the end of April. We headed to
Gary’s mom and opened our call in Gary’s mom’s back patio in the appropriate
social distancing and masks and with our
children and my dad on Face time. It was
an overwhelming experience—and I had a powerful witness that not only could we
serve a full time mission but our Heavenly Father had a place, a time, and a plan for us. It was amazing. I headed home ahead of Gary and Jena because
I had to go to work. As I drove I was
still on that high and was crying and praying and driving all at the same
time. I decided that when I got home, I
would go to my bedroom and kneel at my bed and express my thankfulness again
for this call. However, I couldn’t even
make it to my bed. I fell to my knees in the middle of the room and prayed in
that rejoicing and praising way that happened for the Jaredites as they left
the boat so many years ago.
Expressing gratitude to God and Christ is often done
in praising them in prayer, in testimony, in singing hymns, in words that we
journal or post on social media, but mainly I think it is done by living our
lives in accordance to The plan of happiness that they have put in place for
us. Elder Gordon Watts stated “The depth and the willingness which we
serve is a direct reflection of our gratitude.” Be found serving our spouses, our families,
in our wards and neighborhoods but most of all, serving our God and Savior…
I want to read the entire verse of D&C
98:1: It states “1 Verily
I say unto you my friends, afear not, let your hearts be comforted; yea,
rejoice evermore, and in everything give bthanks;”
This revelation was
given to the Saints during the time of persecution. I think the same counsel
applies to us now individually and collectively. Fear not, let your hearts be comforted…in
everything give thanks. We have recently gone through our own period of winter
in the midst of our joy and planning to serve this mission which we have prayed
many years. I testify that we did find
peace and joy and you can too-- no matter what our circumstances are. If we look to see, our heart learns to feel,
and we express our gratitude to God and all of those around us—miracles will
happen, we will see the angels around about us, and we can make it through
life’s storms to the other side.
I testify that God
knows us individually and He and His Son have implemented the perfect plan to
help us return to Them prepared and proven.
He is in the details of our lives.
Because of the Atonement, Christ stands able and ready to succor us
during all of the days of our life—indeed his aid is sufficient for our most
wintery days. The Book of Mormon is true
and provides us the some of the clearest details about God’s dealing with his
people. Pres. Nelson is the man called
to lead us in these challenging but most exciting times.
