My Dad's Passing

Fun how days become significant and you know that they will always be that way from now on--at least while we are on this earth with our current calendars-- September 21 became one of those days as my dad passed away in the morning while sleeping with his wife Karla sleeping in the chair beside him.

I received a text from Karla around 10 am and Gary and I headed down to spend the day with Karla and begin doing the things that needed to be done.  One by one I called each of my siblings--in age order from the oldest to the youngest--because I couldn't think of any other way to do it.  Some didn't not answer, so people heard at different times but it was a privilege to make those phone calls to my siblings.  Oh, how I love them and I was so grateful for those conversations as we shared our sadness but also our joy for our dad to be reunited with our mom and all of those who had gone before him.

Our sadness was tampered or almost overshadowed by our happiness for him--that he did not have to suffer any longer than he did.  It was really only in the last six or eight weeks of his life that he experienced more slowing and less enjoyment in living and only in the last couple of weeks that moving and talking and eating became more difficult.  He told me a few years ago that he was not afraid of death, but he was nervous about the process of dying--he didn't want to be a burden on Karla and he didn't want to be in pain.  He hoped that he could simply fall asleep one night and not wake up.  It wasn't quite that simple but close and he didn't experience much pain in that process.  For all of these things, we are so grateful.

My post on Facebook a day after his passing:

Yesterday morning at 89 years and a few months, my father passed away in his sleep. Although he has been declining over the past few weeks and his passing was expected, it still feels unexpected. Even though we did not want him to suffer one more day, we still wish for one more day or week or year. While I want the perfect words to share about my dad, I am only left with the usual ones--he was a good and faithful person who worked hard, played hard, and loved much. He was a research chemist by profession and a game player/creator by passion. He taught us to love games, books, trains, the theatre, each other, friends, ping pong, and most of all, our Heavenly Father and His Son, Jesus Christ. He joined the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints as a young 20 year old and never "looked" back. His devotion was part of who he was.

One story: My dad was adopted as an infant after the death of his biological mother to scarlet fever. In 1986, we visited them in Amarillo at Christmas soon after Scott joined our family so that he could meet his grandparents and the family could meet him. Scott was about 2 1/2 years old at the time. I was walking into the living room when I noticed Scott sitting on my dad's lap having a conversation. I stopped to listen in in time to hear my dad say, "Scott, you are going to be adopted. You don't know what that means now, but I do because I was adopted. Anytime you have any questions the rest of your life, you can always talk to me about it. No matter where you live or how old you are." It brought tears to my eyes (and if we had had cell phones with cameras, I probably would have taken a picture.) I don't know if Scott ever took my dad up on that offer, but nothing is better than seeing your parents love your children.

He loved his grandchildren and his great grandchildren more than they know!

My dad was very blessed to be loved by two special women--my mom, Eileen who died in 1995 and then by Karla. Thank you, Karla for loving and sharing your life with my dad and our family! Our thoughts and prayers are with you."

I posted a number of pictures but here are a couple of them:

Bittersweet--sadness and joy wrapped up in a tight package. That is what it is like to lose your dad--your last parent--when you are 67 and he was 89! Til we meet again, sweet dad!

That evening, my niece shared that she and her parents (my brother Rick and his wife Linda) played a game in my dad's honor. Gary, Jena and I went to "The Unsinkable Molly Brown" at the Hale Theatre. Games and the theatre--two of my dad's favorite free time activities--I think he was happy with both!

A side note: I started this blog as a way to communicate to my family at one time about a surgery that Jena was having in 2009. My dad loved it so much that I replaced my weekly (almost) emails to him with blog posts including pictures and have continued that since then. Although I share the blog with family and friends AND I have grown to appreciate the historical record it has become, I still primarily thought about my dad and things I wanted to share with him. That is not the reason that I haven't written the blog for the past 8 weeks--my Sundays have been packed with other things, but I miss him today as I pick and chose photos to share and things to talk about today. I won't be getting his short email responses about something he read or saw any more--I will miss that!