As I left for the ER on Monday morning, October 5 (I know you are wondering WHEN I will ever be done with this week. That is much how it felt to me as well, living it.), Gary was heading to his mom's house to meet with his two sisters to talk about how to manage the items in the house and property. The goal was to set priorities and guidelines for the process and to "make sure every one agrees with every decision." I thought it was a discussion only to plan how things will be done and set some type of timetable to accomplish it. To my surprise, when I headed there after getting Ben settled in the hospital's inpatient unit, they were already making piles and cleaning closets. It was incredible how much they had done in just a few hours.
I wasn't really prepared for all of that. It felt so soon to me and I felt like I still needed a day or a week to process her passing before managing the house stuff. However, Gary and his sisters seemed to embrace the tasks and seemed to be taking comfort in the process. Later in the week, I talked to Charon about it and she said that she had wondered how I was feeling. She said for her, it was the last service she could do for her mom on earth and she wanted to do it right and quickly. Doing it brought her peace as well as tears, but it was good.
There were general guidelines about taking things that you had given Mom Hall in the past plus she had identified some items and where she wanted them to go. After that, the three siblings decided between themselves where things were going--
By the time I got there on Monday, Gary already had spoken for the red children's cups and the scale that Mom had in her laundry room. That made me cry. Those were the two items in the whole house that I connected to my kids and to Grandma's house. I didn't know Gary was also sentimental like that. My kids always want to drink out of the red little cups which she kept in a lower cabinet for them to reach--and to get water and ice from her fridge (a great treat before we had a similar thing at home). And the scale--like Scott said, "Iconic!" Often when our kids were younger, they would take off their shoes at the door and run into the laundry room to weigh themselves and see how tall they were. Now we can have that same memory with our grandchildren--and maybe someday it will pass down to one of our children as well. It is funny the memories that are tied up in little every day things!
That week which has originally been planned for our trip to visit Scott, Chantel and their family in Oro Valley, AZ, was spent instead sorting and cleaning Grandma's house. I loved the approach that Charon has shared--this final act of service for Mom Hall. It was an amazing time of serving, remembering, crying, and laughing. Charon, Gary, and Vonette worked very hard along with their spouses. Jena became a designated paper shredder--a job she and Gary continue to this day. Although the grandchildren were willing to help with the work, much we had to do ourselves as decisions had to be made on every thing.
By the end of the week, several trips had been made to the DI/Savers and to the dump. And basically the house was cleaned out. We collected things for the grandchildren--each of them expressing interest in something or another in the house..
Jessica wanted something cardinal. Scott wanted a rock and quilt. Jena took some cardinal stuff. Tosha wanted something she could pass down to Ava in the future. Everyone interested in something different that they connected with Grandma and Grandpa Hall. Tosha is also going to take the chandelier that hung in their dining room. For years, I cleaned that every Thanksgiving, because we would come the night before and stay the night. At the last minute, I realized that Mom would want someone to have that--they had specially ordered it from Italy when they built their house--and Tosha seemed the right person. She was delighted although we will be storing it for awhile while they are in base housing.
We gathered household stuff to the garage for everyone to look at. Then what was left was sent to the DI.
Holly was an organized and tidy housekeeper, but 45 years of living adds up over time. Her house was beautiful with extra touches which made it special....but it is a lot of work to sort and distribute things when one passes away.
And some of it made it to our house----
We are slowly sorting and putting things away in our house--where I had already been sorting and getting rid of my own stuff. However, it is comforting to listen to the chimes on her musical clock which now hangs in Gary's office and to enjoy the books that were special to Gary when he was young. (Apparently, he read Robin Hood several times as a boy.) We still have boxes and files around in places where they don't belong, but it is okay. Long ago (or maybe that was Monday) that I decided to not worry about my goal of spring cleaning the whole house before we start our mission. It is okay. We have chosen the better part over the last several weeks. (Thank heavens that we are serving from home at first. There is no way I would have been able to pack up and leave my house by next Monday. Another small tender mercy!))
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