| Ogden Temple |
"This morning I "didn't have time" to go to the awesome 90 minute yoga class that I love at my gym or go to the temple. But I woke up early and went anyway. Tomorrow will be Mya's 13th birthday, which means Monday is 13 years since I placed her into her mama's arms to no longer be my baby and be with the parents that were actually meant to be her's all along.
Although I am 100% content and have been through this journey as a "birth mom", I am sure that no matter what, the anniversary of these days each year will always leave me a little extra tearful and overcome with some emotions that for some reason I don't tend to feel otherwise.
I think about her and how she may feel in all of this. I pray and pray that she will have the peace that I do throughout her life and if there are times of doubt that I made the adoption choice for any other reason than for what I know was and is best for her out of the indescribable love I felt for her from the moment I knew I was pregnant, that she can find that reassurance.
We have both been so blessed by her mom and dad being who they are and being ready and waiting for us when we needed them. She seriously has the best mom and dad and I cannot say enough how much I know they were meant to be her parents.
During my pregnancy and adoption journey I had such wonderful help and support from LDS Family Services and remember those days full of stress and anxiety always feeling better when I visited weekly with a great caseworker there that would just listen, never judged and helped me understand and explore options, always respecting that I had no intention of placing my baby for adoption....then when I realized its what I needed to do at the very end of the pregnancy, she held my hand through the process as we made it happen.
Even when I hear Judy Hall's voice as I have randomly ran into her over these years, I still feel that peace. I have absolutely no doubt that running into her today and exchanging a quick hug as I was finishing up my service at the @Ogden Utah Temple was once again our Heavenly Father and Mother's way of sending me the extra peace and love I needed."
Now you can see why I cried. She was leaving the dressing room as I was entering. My day had been a bit hectic and I was somewhat distracted when I came into the temple, but the timing as you can see was perfect. A minute sooner or later, and both of us would have missed a sweet moment of connection and remembering!
I sent her a private messenger message after I saw her post on Facebook and we exchanged some comments back and forth with each other and the adoptive mom throughout the rest of the day. I have removed names from our comments. The ones I copied below are my part of the story. (Randomly or maybe on purpose, this client and the adoptive parent (who I later had the chance to work with when they moved to our area and adopted a little boy) are some of the only former clients that I have on Facebook due to running into them at other times in our lives.)
Your words on Facebook were so sweet. It was a sweet moment for me to see you in the temple as well today. I had planned to go yesterday, but then the thought came that I should go on Saturday. It was a blessing from our Heavenly Father for both of us.
As I sat in the chapel, my mind was also filled with memories of you, ................. I thought that I should share a bit about my own experience during that time from the caseworker side of things. I count it as one of the sacred experiences I had as a caseworker for LDS Family Services. From the very beginning I felt so lucky that I had been assigned to you. You were and are amazing. I loved meeting with you each week and talking about life, kids, the gospel, and this sweet baby we hadn't met yet. I learned a lot about your sweet young son. So often as we met, I felt the spirit so strongly. That wasn't always the case in working at LDS FS but it happened frequently. If you remember, we met often on Monday nights because that worked best for your schedule. Usually we were suppose to close on Mondays at 5 and we met often at 6. From time to time, my boss and sometimes her boss would point that out and encourage me to change our appointment or meet less often or whatever. They occasionally would ask me what was the point of us meeting as you were already parenting a child and I had no worries about your ability to parent this baby. Each time I was questioned, I would feel a strong spiritual confirmation that I needed to continue to meet with you and that there was a purpose and a plan. So I continued to insist that it was good for us to meet and the time was important for your privacy. In my own mind, I wondered if it was so I could support the birthfather's mother in the future, but I really had no idea. I actually never thought you were going to make an adoption plan until the moment you told me you were and at that moment I received a "huge" outpouring of the spirit confirming that you knew this was right and it was right for Mya. I felt no need to "do my social work stuff" to make sure you truly wanted to make this decision. I knew that you had done the work spiritually and with your Heavenly Father and He is the master "social worker" because He knows the beginning from the end. In addition, He knew this little baby even more than anyone else. He had revealed His plan for her and you had listened. It was a humbling and sacred thing to be a part of.
The adoptive couple had also done their part. They had prepared to parent and sacrificed much to be available and ready as well. They loved each other and their Heavenly Father. I think I had showed them to other birthmothers once or twice before and thought they were such a great couple, although I had never met them in person. You had found them on the computer and I think you were one of my first clients who had used the website to pick a family. (I think I am remembering that part right.) Meeting them, placement, and everything about what happened afterwards kept that same feeling of spiritual power and peace that I had felt so often while I met you. I can't speak for (the daughter you placed) and how she will feel about all of this. That is her journey, of course. But you and I and probably adoptive parents can testify that this was Heavenly Father's plan for her. Someday she will find that same answer if she is willing to look. I don't doubt that she understands that in part now. She is loved by all of you and by that she has learned that she is loved by Heavenly Father. Love you all. Thanks for letting me be a piece of your life.
Sometimes you are at the right place at the right time--and when that happens, you know even without a Facebook post about it. You can feel it in your whole self! It is the stuff that "following the spirit" is all about.
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