It is natural, I think, for me to feel a kinship with these great women of the scripture whose stories are tied to infertility.....although they suffer during a time of little understanding about such things and had to WAIT much longer for the promised blessings of children than I did. And children alone don't take away the trial of infertility--I have found that it traveled with me for a long time on this mortal journey. It has been a good travel companion for the most part and it has allowed me to connect and serve people in a unique ways.
This past week, my sweet niece, Chera, and her husband were blessed with a placement of a sweet baby boy. They have been waiting for over three years for this miracle and our family rejoices in Emmett's arrival and our prayers are for his birth parents also. They have two daughters who are 14 and 11 who are also delighted to have this baby join their family. It is a sweet thing for adoption to become a part of this next generation in the Hall family as it was when my niece, Landi, and her husband adopted their four daughters through foster care on the Giberson side a few years ago.
Now to the point of this post----(although again this is one that I should really write in my journal which I don't have so feel free to skip these musings.)
Sarah taught me another lesson last night as Elder Paul Johnson shared some scriptures where Paul talked about her. In Hebrews, Paul has a great discourse about faith and shares the faith of the some of the people from the Old Testament--
11 Through faith also Sara herself received strength to conceive seed, and was delivered of a child when she was past age, because she judged him faithful who had promised.
13 These (referring to the prophets and Sara whom Paul had mentioned in the proceeding verses) all died in faith, not having received the apromises, but having seen them afar off, and were persuaded of them, and embraced them, and confessed that they were bstrangers and pilgrims on the earth.
I have read the New Testament a number of times. I have taught it in Gospel Doctrine. These passages by Paul are familiar- By faith...Abel, Enoch, Noah, and Abraham did amazing things. However, I was struck by the two phrases I underlined which Elder Johnson highlighted as well in ways that I have never been before. Aren't the scriptures amazing like that---
"...she judged him faithful who had promised" and "not having received the promises, but having seen them afar off"
I have been "worrying" about Ben and his housing situation since the minute they decided that Ben was ready for discharge from the state hospital. Housing is tough in Utah anyway and suitable housing for Ben's situation is in very limited supply. I have prayed about it, search the internet, spoken with DBH staff without any good resolution yet and prayed about it some more.
We had bought a townhome years ago as a back up place for Ben. It became a landing spot for three of our other kids during college and young adulthood, but Ben never lived there and after Scott and Chantel moved to Arizona, we felt strongly that we should sell it. I knew at the time and I know now that was the right decision for that place, but I have wondered if it was time to look for something else like that. But nothing seemed right.
Yesterday morning at breakfast--Jena was still sleeping--I brought the topic up to Gary (again) and asked him if he thought we should step in and find a place for Ben. His answer was calm and faithful--"Not now. We are serving a mission and the Lord will watch over and take care of our family including Ben." I pointed out it hadn't gone great so far and perhaps the Lord wanted us to do something--but even as I said it, I felt that confirmation that God and Christ are watching over our families and they will be blessed because of our service. I felt that peace that comes with knowing truth.....
and then last night--I realized that like Sarah, I "judge him faithful who had promised" that our families will be blessed by our missionary service... I do know that my children and grandchildren will be blessed by our mission service. Prophets have promised it and I have felt the peaceful reassurance of the spirit many times including that very morning with Gary.
.....but ALSO we must continue even if we think that we have "not yet received the promises"....I have talked to many many missionaries who wonder why hard things continue to happen in their families while they are serving senior missions. They asked us and others and the Lord--where are those promised blessings for their families? This is where faith in Jesus Christ comes in. We don't serve so that our children will __________________ and we fill in the blank of what we WANT or think is the sign that they are being blessed--no illnesses, no job struggles, no housing concerns, whatever....We serve and we continue to serve because we love the Lord and want to be doing what He needs us to do where He wants us to do it! On our side, with no strings attached!
".......but having seen them afar off...." In moments of eternity clarity in my life, I understand and testify that I have seen the blessings of God "afar off." I know Our Heavenly Father loves us and cares for us and all of our family, that Jesus is the Christ--He lives and because of Him, we can return again to our Heavenly home.....
Thanks Sarah, for your faithful and obedient life. Thanks Paul for these masterful scriptures about faith. Thanks Elder Johnson for the reminders-----
Elder Johnson used one other scripture from Romans 4:20--referring to Abraham--the promised father of many nations--and probably applies to his wife, Sarah as well. "He staggered not at the promise of God through unbelief; but was strong in faith, giving glory to God."
That is what I want to be said of me--that I "staggered not" at the great promises of God for my life but that I remained strong in my faith, giving all praise and gratitude to God.
Off my soap box for the moment----thanks for reading!
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