Family--Part Two (Weekend Two-November 2018)

As perhaps is common with people who write blogs, I wondered prior to this day, what I would write on this post about meeting our Uncle Ed and Uncle Mike and the rest of our relatives.  Would it be like meeting nice people anywhere in the world--it would be okay--but life would go on without much difference?  Would it be hard and uncomfortable and we would all be happy to have it done?  Would it be something more and unexpected?  Who knew?  Like many things in life, it was an adventure and until it happened and you did it, you don't know.  And certainly, our experience is only our experience.  Different people in similar situations might have a totally different result.  I can only speak to our experience with these family members.  So here it is:

Family--Part Two

I think my dad said it best.  Sunday morning before Rick, Valerie, and I headed off to the airport to go home, we sat in the lobby with our dad and talked a bit about what happened the day before (don't worry I will be giving details and photos--you know I will!)  I asked my dad how he was feeling about everything.  These aren't his exact words but he said, "I wasn't sure what to think or what to expect beforehand.  But I can say it was so much more than I ever expected.  I can't imagine anything being better than it was.  It was so comfortable from the beginning."  I agree.  It was much more than I expected and I can't imagine one aspect that could have been better.

We all woke up on Saturday with a sense that today was the day finally where we were actually going to meet more people related to us by blood.  As a reminder, we had met my dad's biological mother's family, starting back in the late '70s when two aunts started doing genealogy and coming to Salt Lake.  We were living there at that time and I think both Valerie and I met them in the early 1980's.  They were younger siblings who hadn't really remember their older sister but knew of my dad.  I have even attended a family reunion in the mid-1990s with my family in South Dakota.  So we had done this somewhat before, but there was more of a mystery about the biological father's side.  After all of these years, it seems like a real gift and miracle that we were actually going to meet people who knew Leonard Tegland.  It seems likely to us based on the timing of events in Viola's life, that Leonard may have never even known that he fathered a son who was born in California, far from South Dakota.  But he did and we were about to find out what that means to us, to my dad, and to the two men who shared only biological connections to the same father.

It was a bit eerie heading into the eating area of the hotel's breakfast area.  Trying to be calm but also discover whether Uncle Mike and his family were here already.  We had not set up a plan to meet, but knew it could be possible we might.  But no--they weren't there, so we grabbed our breakfast and got a table on an upper layer of the lobby.  Shortly there after, I saw a man walking towards us and as I saw him recognize me, I asked, "Are you Uncle Mike?" "Yes, " was his reply.  "Want to join us for breakfast,"  "Of course."  He guided his wife, Jean, and daughter, Freya to the table.  And indeed, it was the two beautiful women I had seen checking in the night before.  And thus it started and the conversation began...and continued for the next three hours.  It ended only because we had to get ready to go meet with the rest of the family at 12:30 for lunch.

What did we talk about?  It is hard to remember and separate the different conversations that we had throughout the day.  We talked about our siblings, our dad, our lives and their lives and their extended families.  We asked about Leonard, our common relative.  My Uncle Mike is only about four years older than me and his wife is my age.  Leonard raised him along with Mike's mother.  He knew Leonard best, but Jean also knew him and shared things about him.  One thing we learned was that Leonard made the most amazing rolls using cake yeast and he always made them for Thanksgiving dinner.  This was one memory that Ed also shared along with some of his children later in the day.  Those rolls and the smell of those rolls is a memory of Leonard shared by the family.  I wonder if he will make those rolls for me someday.  Are there hot rolls in Heaven (and will I be able to smell them there?)  

Afterwards, Valerie said that whenever Mike mentioned his dad or Jean talked about Leonard, she tried to pay even closer attention to what was said.  It seemed so important to remember everything that was said about him.  I had that same feeling.

We had the desk worker take this photo for us--my brother, Rick, sister, Valerie, my cousin, Freya, Uncle Mike, and Aunt Jean with me.

So we talked for three hours and it was easy and comfortable and I doubt anyone passing by thought anything remarkable was happening...just happy conversation between family and friends.  But it was remarkable.  I don't know how to prove that and I don't have words to explain it.  It just was--right and remarkable.

As soon as we stepped apart after our first three hour conversation so we could get ready to go and meet everyone else, my eyes filled with tears.  It seemed so silly to be tearful at a moment like this.  These are three people that we just met--two of which I share DNA with--but what does that mean?  Why the emotion?  I told my sister on the way up in the elevator that I knew if she, Rick, and I sat down with three strangers and had a conversation that we all had skills to talk and listen that we could probably have an enjoyable conversation with any three people interested in having a conversation as well.  But this was different and this was more--

My dad called us as we were on the way to tell us that he, Ed and everyone else were already there--at 12:15 and waiting for us.  I am sure that my dad's plan was not to be there at first without us as he is a bit more reserved in social settings especially since his hearing has been more difficult.  My dad always liked to be early and it seemed like that might run in the family.  We parked and stepped into the arms and lives of Uncle Ed, his wife, Jan, and three of their four children--Kristine, Katrina, and Erik  (son John lives in Hong Kong).  Three grandchildren were also there--Sean (Kristine's son) and Jamila and Zahra (twin daughters of Katrina) and then Amy, Erik's wife.

We had a nice lunch at an old-fashion style diner.......

I took this photo as we left.  They were closing the restaurant after the lunch crowd and then would reopened later for dinner.  We sat in the back tables of the restaurant where the workers are cleaning.  As you can see, we were the last to leave.  I sat next to Aunt Jan and their daughter Katrina and across from Uncle Ed.  Dad, Mike, and Ed sat next to each other and there were conversations up and down the whole table.  A couple of times I thought we should all get up and switch places, but I knew that we would have time later as well, so I just tried to listen to all of the conversations at once!

Thanks, Uncle Ed, for a wonderful lunch and a sweet start to our afternoon together.

Here is one of the photos Ed sent prior to our meeting of his immediate family.

Jan, John, Ed, Kristine, Katrina, and Erik Tegland
(back in the 1970, I would guess)

Mike sent us some more up-to-date photos which made recognizing them at the hotel much easier.

Freya and Jean Tegland

Mike Tegland

A recent photo of Ed and Mike.....

We spent the afternoon, talking and looking at pictures which people had brought to share.  Again there were conversations everywhere and I wanted to be part of each one of them.  That is why I really have no photos from that afternoon.  I was busy talking and listening and trying to remember everything.

We headed outside for some formal photos and have these two (taken by Erik, a son of Ed.)

Mike, my dad (Richard), and Ed

 Mike, Dad, Ed
Erik, Freya, the wives--Jean, Karla, and Jan
Me, Katrina, Amy, Jamila, Kristina, Zahra, Valerie, and Rick

I did take some photos of everyone taking photos of the three brothers--

A look from the edge of the porch on to the street of Parker

A bit of fuzzy photo but these lights are required as part of restoration in the old city of Parker.

Freya and Erik getting photos

Hopefully, someone will share more photos from that afternoon and I can add them here later.

To summarize the rest of the afternoon, we finally said goodbye and headed back to our hotel.  Dad and Karla headed to rest after their 4 hour drive and big afternoon.  We headed down to play games again and this time we were joined by Mike, Jean, and Freya.  Mike is not a game player but Freya and Jean are and he joined in (and Uncle Mike actually won our game of Fruit Basket.)  In the middle of the game playing, we learned more about our Grandpa Leonard and built a sweet memory of just laughing and being together with this part of the Telgands.  It was great and again I wished that I could have shared it with all of my siblings and with my own family, but for this day and for this time, it was truly a perfect end to an amazing day.

Leonard had red hair just like my dad.  He was a cook and could make amazing rolls--definitely not like my dad (no offense--just not one of my dad's life skills. ) In many ways, he looked like my dad looked physically.  It was quite remarkable to hear Mike or Jean comment in passing that Leonard never was able or interested in fixing things around the house.  Wow, that is just like my dad.  How could this "non-interest" really be a part of the DNA? 

Grandpa Leonard Tegland

I asked Jan that afternoon what it was like for Ed to receive our email that day a year ago and to learn about my dad.  Ed is the one who had done his DNA and has done a lot of genealogy research about the family.  She said that he was very excited.  I asked Mike what his dad would be thinking about us all gathering and one of his comments was that he felt his dad would have been proud.  Mike said that he can remember how proud his dad was when Ed graduated from college and he was sure that he would have been proud of my dad as well.

So what does it mean to be a Family?  Families are collections of people--they can be connected by DNA, adoption, birth, marriage, or simply by strong relationships.  No one way is perfect, but the goal should be to build relationships of loving, caring, and nurturing between each person.  And to share our lives with each other--the good and the bad, the ups and the downs, the sweetness and the hard times.  And while ultimately as humans we should have a sense of connectedness and belonging to all others we share this planet with, those we call family have claim on us for some of our best efforts and deepest emotions.  On that Saturday in Parker, Colorado, our family extended to include the Teglands in a real and meaningful way.  It doesn't mean that we may see each other every year or even ever share a holiday meal.  What it does mean is that I know that my heart strings have expanded to include them and their children and grandchildren.  That if they are ever in Utah, I would love for them to stop in.  If I have something specific that they might need, I am a resource for them like a cousin would be.  Because of our DNA connections, we have chosen to become family.  And we will certainly invite them to our next Giberson reunion in 2021--and there should be ping pong!

I think Leonard was proud that day and probably is still smiling at the thought of his three sons standing together in front of a bright yellow house in Colorado!